The Garden of the Heart

The Garden of the Heart

                 

I was recently reminded of the term ‘festive season blues’.  For many this time of year brings feelings of melancholy, missing loved ones, disappointment of the year’s intended goals and also financial pressure.

   We all have challenges to do with not being good enough or the lack of self-worth.  This can be highlighted when we think that we don’t have enough – feelings of poverty (each in his/her own experience) – overwhelming requirements of the ‘season for giving’ or the expected family holiday or expense of long distance travel.  The perception that ‘others’ have such an easy life, because they have so much more materialistically speaking, invites the envy creeping into our heart.  Responsibility to provide and give our loved ones all they wish for, can be a heavy burden.

   As we near the end of 2012 with all the different predictions, it  is obvious that the world as we know it is changing.  Putting aside that this time has long been predicted – the reality is that mother earth is under severe pressure and change needs to happen sooner rather than later.  We need to reassess our values and what it is that we are really pursuing and to comprehend our individual impact on the earth.  We will all need to adapt, change and take responsibility to do our part in uplifting and contributing, no matter how insignificant it may seem.  This time of year is the perfect opportunity to re-evaluate ourselves and our lives. What are we pursuing?  Is this what we really want?  Is the chase really worth it?  Do you want to do the same again next year?

   In our re-evaluation, we need to deepen our relationship with God and find the trust and realisation that ultimately we are not in control.  We need to do what is required of us to the best of our ability and then allow God…  Create a space of peace within the Garden of your Heart.  It is only from this place of quietness that we know what we need to know so that we can do what we need to do.

   May I take this opportunity to thank you, the reader, for taking the time to read this column and for your kind words of encouragement, and wish you all a blessed Festive Holiday Season.  It is my wish and hope for each one to be able to look back on 2012 and find much to be grateful for and to find that which you deserve a pat on the back for what you did achieve and that which you are proud of!

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker, 072 189 6951, thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za, www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

A Plus inside a circle of brotherhood

A Plus inside a circle of brotherhood

 

During my recent visit to a local hair dressing salon, part of the conversation was related to a daughter’s impending marriage to an English speaking, much liked and also approved of, young man.  A comment by the mother of the bride, gave me some food for thought.  She was of the opinion that the English had far less ‘baggage’ than the Afrikaners.  Hence this groom to be seemed so ‘easy going and uncomplicated’.  Be that as it may – it got me thinking…       Culturally you could probably find reasons for ‘baggage’ if you went back far enough in history, with every nation under the sun.  I myself, being of German heritage, was taught at the German High School I attended (strictly one teacher related), that it was expected of us to feel guilt (for the rest of our lives) about the crimes committed against humanity by the Germans, in the second world war.  To aggravate matters my ‘clan’ (South African German Speaking) supported Hitler’s efforts.  As though this burden was not enough, I also am a white South African born in the early sixties.  Once I grasped the horrors of apartheid, I should as a white person, carry guilt towards the wrong doings of this regime?  My burden of guilt simply by birth, was getting to back breaking proportions.  Hence, for many years, I adopted the, “I could care less about the sins of my father’s and my father’s father’s,” attitude, which needless to say, is of course impossible!

   I back packed through Europe in the mid-eighties and noticed very soon how unpopular a South African pink skin was.  So much so, that a rather large intimidating African American scared the living daylights out of me in Pamplona, yelling unprintable abuse at me and then spitting a spectacular specimen at my feet.  In self-preservation, I adopted an Australian accent and repertoire post haste, until I met a ‘pack’ of big South Africans and attached myself to them as travel companions.

   Simply by factor of heritage – much of any history has the makings of baggage.  Mostly this heavy sack ends up being filled with anger towards a perceived perpetrator.  To flounder around in a mud pool of accusations brings nothing worthwhile except perhaps the mineral benefits for your complexion.  There comes a time when you need to step out of that mess, clean yourself up, take responsibility for your part in it and start contributing instead of waiting for the pay-out for all the wrongs committed against you.  “Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred,” Martin Luther King Jr.  A recent gift I received epitomizes this gesture of making peace with the past and also embracing life now - it is large plate with writing in a plus sign format (vertical and horizontal), it reads: “This plate symbolises an offering or a gift.  It holds the food, love, protection, nourishment, sacrifices and care a parent, leader, host or lover offers another.  The even-sided cross symbolises a meeting place, a crossing of paths or a sacred gathering, an event or location where people feast, celebrate, mourn, reminisce or worship together.  A ‘CROSS INSIDE A CIRCLE’ symbolises prosperity and a long life.  It is also the traditional and scientific symbol for Planet Earth.  The Gift of the connection from God to earth and then across human to human is a requirement of survival.  Without the ‘above to below’ it would only be a minus sign – let us all try to rather be a plus factor in our life/society/earth.  “We have learned to fly the air like birds and swim the sea like fish, but we have not learned the simple art of living together as brothers,” Martin Luther King Jr.

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker Ermelo, 072 1896951, 

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za,  www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

My true Purpose

My true purpose   27^th November 2012

When we finally let go of the Utopian Idealism that is created in our minds as to ‘in a perfect world’ and instead look into our innermost depths with clarity and eyes wide open - we find a treasure chest of insights and the possibilities of finding our true life purpose.

   To realise that we no longer need to wait for our life purpose to reveal itself, nor do we need to wait for everything around us to be perfectly in place, because it already is.  The only missing link is, that we need to actually participate in THIS day and in THIS moment.  The spark of recognition ignites as we grasp that all this time I have been standing in my own way of living my true potential.  The delay of waiting and waiting for the right time, if only this or that, then I can do what I am meant to do, which results in a lifetime of waiting.  The time is now – Start today!  Very few of us become all of who we are meant to be in one miraculous flash – for most of us it is a slow uncovering and developing of our true potential and purpose.  There has to be a starting point and there has to be the YES from me.  Nobody can do this for us – we have to put in the efforts required, to water the seeds that have been lying dormant.  Nurturing ourselves as we grow, until we eventually blossom into our true potential.  To say YES to yourself and your true VALUES brings with it a spiritual peace that settles all the anxieties within.  Knowing that I am in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing.  Then we are truly fully alive!  This life enthusiasm filters through to all areas in our lives.  “Die huppel is terug in jou stap!”  The possibilities are endless – this is only the beginning, if you allow it to be.

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker Ermelo, 072 724 6985, thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za   www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Living the Truth

Living the Truth    20^th November 2012

The recent Carte Blanche feature on Lance Armstrong simply would not leave my thoughts.  Where do you draw the line and what is the driving force to live a lie?  Professional Sport seems to move the bar of performance higher and higher.  Sports men and women seems to be super humans today!

A few years ago our young daughter asked her dad who his role model was and he said “Lance Armstrong, because he is a cancer survivor and through all his personal trials, he still is a world champion cyclist many times over.”  The dedication and sheer will power this requires is admirable.  Now I ask you:  even with performance enhancing drugs – this achievement is still astounding – the hours required every single day, come rain or shine, is relentless.  Is all that down the toilet now that he is an alleged liar?  We so easily jump on the wagon of condemnation and judgement.  I am not defending the behaviour – I would just like to condemn the sin and not the sinner…..

How much a part of life is LYING in our lives?  To use Lance Armstrong’s aledged lies as a metaphor then.  Does the end result justify the means in business practice, in relationships, in marriage?  To say what the other person wants to hear, in order to get what I want, is also just a lie and deception.  To cover the truth and repeat a lie – does not eventually make it true.

People are not perfect, you and I are not perfect.  Our role models are also humans – to seek perfection is to guarantee yourself disappointment.  Much of my unhappiness in life was caused by disappointment.  Someone once said “Life is not something that is DONE to us – as in a series of events that have been sent to TEST us – we need to recognize our own contribution to each experience”.  My life then, seemed like navigating a volatile ocean, trapped by my EXPECTATIONS and hence repeated DISAPPOINTMENTS. The unhappiness level kept on rising and rising with more and more disappointment.  It was only when I stopped blaming everyone and everything else, that I reached calm waters. It is not pleasant to admit your own faults and short comings, however, we also need to learn to be gentle with ourselves.  “PEOPLE  ARE  DOING  THE  BEST  THEY  CAN WITH  THE  RESOURSES  THEY  HAVE” .   

The saying goes that ‘ you can’t unring a bell’.  While that may be true, you can certainly smother it under a mountain of lies.  Truth rings out like a giant bell  –  calling us again and again, even if we try to ignore it, eventually we will have to listen.

Karin Engman     Life Coach and motivational Speaker      Ermelo

thehummingbird@vodmail.co.za        072 1896951

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com     

Die Gekneusde Appels

Die gekneusde appels        13 November 2012

‘n Perfekte appel wat ek ‘n paar dae gelede as ‘n peuselhappie in my handsak gesit het, was ‘n paar dae later toe ek dit uithaal redelik gekneus.  Onder die appel se skil was die skade duidelik te sien.  Toe ek die appel middel deursny het ek gesien dat die kern gedeelte nog heeltemal perfek lyk.  My afleiding was dat die appel nie vrot was  nie, maar net gekneus en nog volkome eetbaar.

   Elke mens doen ‘kneusplekke’ in die lewe op en party belewenisse los permanente littekens.  Deur ons lewens ervaring en die seer, vorm ons ‘n lewensmening en vandaar neem ons ‘n lewenshouding aan.  Sommige houdings en gedrag beskadig nie net ons fisiese gesondheid nie, maar ook ons kern waarde van ons self.  Ons het almal negatiewe aspekte waarop ons nie trots is nie.  Ons konflik of ongelukkigheid word baie keer op die wat naaste aan ons is uitgehaal en meeste van die tyd blameer ons, ons lewensmaat of ons kollegas by die werk.  “As hierdie persoon net kan verander, dan sal ek gelukkig wees”,  “As ander hulle gedrag verander dan sal alles regkom, ensovoorts.”  As ons aanhou om te wag vir ander – sal die lewe ‘n lang gewag word.  Ons kan niemand verander nie – net ons eie houding en benadering tot ander.  Soos die gesegde sê: “As jy nie die antwoorde / reaksie kry wat jy soek nie, dan moet jy die vraag verander.”

   Dit vat twee mense om ‘n tango te dans.  Daar is altyd meer as een kant van ‘n storie.   Dink aan die persoon wat jou gereeld teleurstel of met hulle gedrag seermaak.  Skei hulle gedrag van wie hulle is as mens.  ‘n Persoon is nie sy gedrag nie.  Hy is ‘n mens soos ek en jy – met sy eie lewensgeskiedenis, seerkry, omstandighede, gevoelens en behoeftes.  Mense reageer vanuit hulle perspektief van realiteit en NIE die realiteit self nie.  Elke mens se realiteit is soos hy of sy dit verstaan of sien.  Elke individu sien die lewe deur sy eie oë – ons moet verstaan en leer dat die uitsig anders lyk vir elkeen. 

Onthou, God maak nie foute nie en elke mens is perfek geskape (die kern van die mens is perfek), dit is die lewe en die omstandighede wat kneusplekke en letsels veroorsaak.  Hoe wonderlik is dit om die mens te sien met al sy kneusplekke en letsels en nog steeds lief te wees vir daardie persoon.  Mense is soveel meer as net hulle gedrag en reaksies!

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivation Speaker Ermelo, 072 1896951 

Comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za, www.karin-engma.blogspot.com

Letting Go of the Past

Letting Go of the past     6 November 2012

The pain of the loss of a loved one, the loss of a friendship, a marriage or even your health, brings great challenges.  What could have been yet never really was…. Unfortunately we tend to look for WHO IS AT FAULT?

There is no point in trying to recover what has been. When faced by a significant loss, it feels like a big void has been created.   A wise person once told me “it is best to take advantage of the large space that opens up before us and fill it with something new.”

Experiencing the pain of loss, often brings the questioning of Life. “What did I do to deserve this” – “How could God allow this to happen” etc.  To me it felt like I was standing outside in a thunderstorm, utterly alone.  The pain of loss is an individual experience.   At first it seemed that the well of tears simply would never stop. Gradually, I realized, it was as if my soul was being washed clean by the waters of forgiveness.  Slowly the storm clouds became less intense and my chest opened up to breath in the fresh clean air. In time the tears came less frequent until finally all that is left is a physical ache, which will probably still stay for some time to come.

To find someone to blame for our loss, changes the focus for a little while. In some cultures they believe the guilty shares his/her deeds with everyone that allowed them to commit the crime/wrong doing. When a man is murdered, the person who sold him the weapon is also responsible before God.  When a marriage/family relationship/friendship fails, there is NOT only ONE person to blame. We are all interlinked and all play a part however small in each others’  life dramas.

This brings a fresh perspective of Judgement.  I like the concept of “condemn the sin and not the sinner”.  Who is righteous enough to cast the first stone?

We all have times in our life where the challenging cold wind blows through  - my wish for you, is that you have someone who will light the fire of friendship to see you though when you are navigating turbulent times. We can choose to stay stuck in the past – or we can choose to fill the void with something new and embrace the NOW so that we can look forward to the future.

Karin Engman    Life Coach and Motivational Speaker      Ermelo

 Comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za     072 1896951 

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Two Faces

Two Faces   30 October 2012

In the past, I was insecure enough to question from time to time if the REAL ME was enough.  It typically came about when someone who I admire or regard highly, or love (as in family) said something or behaved in such a way that I would interpret it as criticism or even ridicule. This can be hurtful on the deepest level and leave scars that remain unhealed or take years to mend.  In self-defence we create masks….

As Hamlet said to Ophelia: “God has given you one face and you make yourself another?”

 As we establish ourselves in the world, we probably take on many ‘faces’. We judge ourselves by the reaction we see, hear and feel from others and adjust our ‘faces’ until we feel comfortable with how the world views us.

The battle between these two halves of identity is: Who we are and who we pretend to be. Just as there are two (or more) sides to every story – there are two (or more) sides to every person. One that we reveal to the world and another that we keep hidden inside.

Within each of us is the capacity for both good and bad.  But those who are able to uphold the moral dividing line and truth, are the true winners.

It is impossible to uphold that person that lives with two (or more) faces. Along the way you will get lost in the web of self-deceit, pretence and masks to fit every occasion.  This will make for an exhausting life.  What is more – it will require careful notes and check lists to be able to uphold all the faces you will need to interchange as you go along.

A true and worthy relationship requires the revelation of both sides – only once we come ‘clean’ and own our negative aspects of ourselves are we able to change.

A wise person once told me “you recognize that which you so dislike about yourself in those nearest and dearest to you – it is referred to as a Life Mirror”.  Pay attention to that which ‘pushes’ your buttons in others behaviour – that which SO irritates or annoys you – it may be something you need to work on yourself.

When we stop judging others - we will feel less judged.  Then we can learn to love the face that God gave us and find acceptance and courage to be who we were intended to be.

Karin Engman    Life Coach and Motivational Speaker       Ermelo

072 1896951    thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Life's Curve Balls

Life’s Curve Balls       Published 23^rd  October 2012

There comes a time when we think we are getting the life juggling act right, when an unexpected Curve Ball brings it all crashing down.

Such a painful discovery occurred in my family recently.  My thirteen year old nephew was diagnosed with Stargardt’s Disease. This disease degenerates eyesight to only being able to have peripheral vision.  This means that most of your centre view is completely blurred.  There is no treatment and no cure as yet.  All the realizations of the limitations that come with this diagnosis flew into my gut like fireballs.

It is easy for us to say: “count your blessings” – and indeed Nicholas is blessed with many.  He is a physically strong, athletic boy, above average intelligence,  strong of spirit and healthy.  He is blessed with parents and a brother and a family that will support him the best way possible.  Yes, there is much to be grateful for.

Only parents that have experienced the shock of “disabled” news of their child can know what this must be like.  The heartbreak realizations of what will never be possible – like driving a car. The pain of finally understanding what this young person has lived with already for so many years.  It is absolutely astounding to know that despite the disability, he is an A student. 

http://www.eyeassociates.com/images/understanding_stargardt.htm

I bring this story to you today – since this disability is much more common than we realize.

For parents and teachers to notice are:

* The individual looks at you with head slightly turned sideways and slightly down.

*The individual will not see that which you are so clearly pointing at

*The individual will read holding the book VERY close to the eyes

* The individual will sit right at the TV and turn the head slightly sideways

How would you or how do YOU manage Life’s Curve Balls?  Do you allow the ball to smash you in the face and crumble into a heap?  Do you duck and avoid the situation as best you can?  Or – do you catch the ball and look at it carefully, weigh it up, feel all the imperfections and find out all there is to know?  Do you lay this ball at God’s ‘feet’ and share your sorrows and find your strength to shine the light on this newly discovered Life Path you are embarking on?

If Life presents you with Lemons, do you make Lemonade?  Nicholas is such a young man – he has his sights on the Paralympics – watch this space…..

Karin Engman    072 1896951     thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Life Coach and Motivational Speaker     Ermelo

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

               

Dankbetuiging

Moet nie Vergeet om Dankie te se nie     16 October 2012

In plaas daarvan om te fokus op ons tekortkominge – is dit n heeltemal nuwe en vars belewenis om vir n verandering met dankbaarheid erkenning te gee vir wat ek het.

Dit is van toepassing op elkeen – maak nie saak hoeveel of hoe min ons het nie. Dit is n kwessie van DANKIE se vir wat ek het…..  

Ons vergeet maklik om DANKIE te se:  Die volgende is n vertaling van n inspirerende stuck wat ek eendag raakgelees het : 

 WAT IN DIE HEMEL GEBEUR:   Ek het gedroom dat ek in die Hemel was en n engel my rond gewys het.  Ons het by n groot werkkamer,  gevul met Engele gekom….  My engel gids het verduidelik dat dit die ‘ontvangs’ is.  Hier word al die gebede en petisies ontvang.  Ek het opgemerk dat dit druk besig was met engele wat vervaard rongeskarrel het.  Verder in die gang af kom ons by die tweede stasie.  Die engel se toe vir my: “Hierdie is die pak en aflewering gedeelte”. Hier word al die genadegawes en seeninge uit gestuur. Weer was ek bewus van hoe druk besig dit hier was.  Uiteindelik kom ons by die eindpunt aan, n baie klein werk area. Tot my verbasing, sien ek net een engel hier werk, met baie min om te doen.  “Hierdie is die ‘acknowledgment’ stasie “ se die engel.  Die engel is eintlik verlee toe hy se: “as mense eers hulle seeninge gekry het, kom daar baie min erkenning terug.”   “Hoe doen mens dit – die erkenning?” vra ek.  “Baie eenvoudig” antwoord die engel, “as jy kos in jou yskas het, klere aan jou lyf, n dak oor jou kop, en n plek om te slaap, dan het jy meer as wat 75% mense op aarde het. As jy geld in die bank of in jou beursiehet,  dan is jy deel van die 8% wat gereken word as  die wereld se rykes.  “As jy n rekenaar besit – is jy deel van die 1% wat gereken word as mense met geleenthede”. '  “As jy vanoggend wakker geword het met meer gesondheid as siekte het….dan is jy meer geseend as baie wat hierdie dag nie sal oorleef nie.” “As jy nog nooit die angs van oorlog of die eensaamheid van n gevangenis of die bekommernisse of martelteling of hongersnood beleef het nie…. Is jy meer geseend as 700 miljoen mense of aarde”.  “'As jy mag aanbid sonder om te vrees vir jou lewe, word jy deur meer as drie biljoen mense beny”.

Net vir vandag – fokus op wat jy het in plaas van wat jy NIE het nie en neem n bietjie tyd van jou besige dag om jou Dankbetuiging te gee aan God, aan jou ouers, aan jou kinders, aan jou medemens.

Karin Engman  072 1896951   Life Coach and Motivational speaker    Ermelo

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za    www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Is your glass half full or half empty?

Is your glass half full or half empty?

We all seek happiness.  The term Happiness, means something different  to everyone. One person may believe money would make them happy. Another, if the significant person in their lives changed – then they would be happy.

I know that I am happy when I feel joy –

Laughing at something that appeals to your sense of humour is different to laughing with joy. The ability to feel JOY is my measuring stick to my happiness.  Joy comes from within – it makes me feel expanded – I feel lighter.

In October my Iceberg Rose Garden starts blooming – looking at that first full bloom is one way I can describe the feeling of JOY.  A landscape view,  an ocean view, hearing my daughter laugh, looking at  new born Impalas or little warthogs chasing each other – gives me the feeling of joy – it bubbles up from within and I feel that I am smiling on the inside. 

As a young adult it seemed that I was determined to be unhappy – obviously not consciously. Life presented me with many reasons to be discontent.

I think  even if I won the Lotto and found Brad Pitt (that was then….) on my doorstep on one knee with a ring in his hand – I would have found fault with him too eventually. No matter what  -  I would have eventually landed up in the very same town of UNHAPPYVILLE. 

The cause of each individual’s UNHAPPINESS is unique. There is no “one size fits all” –

The state of our unhappiness inside is easily reflected on the outside and becomes the automatic blame for everything and everyone.    

Do you see the glass half full or half empty?    

I know mine was half empty…..

When we compare ourselves to others – THEIR lives seem to be so much easier, so much better!  As the saying goes: “Don’t compare your life with others – you have no idea what their journey is all about”. From the outside it may seem like a perfect life – it very seldom is.   Have you noticed that?

In order for us to live a healthy and well balanced life we need to understand ourselves and learn to LIKE ourselves –

For us to be able to LIKE ourselves – we need to have SELFWORTH – we need to find the WORTH in SELF.

The WORTH is what we shine out, the energy people sense. This is what people react to. We FEEL each other. That feeling that tells you that you are comfortable with a person – that you like sitting next to a person OR that you don’t like being in that person space.

It is the ENERGY that we carry and this ENERGY reflects how we feel inside -  if you are ANGRY  people can sense it and probably stay far away from you – If you are in a GOOD MOOD people are naturally attracted to you and want to be in your company.

Perhaps you watched the segment when Oprah had the Brain Scientist on her show – she had a stroke at 35 – that left her paralysed and unable to speak. After years of therapy and treatment she fully recovered and wrote the Book:  “My stroke of Insight”. While helpless and unable to speak or move, the only thing she could pick up was the energy people brought into the room, with her right brain (feeling brain). She would know what the person was about – love, resentment, enthusiasm, boredom etc. and got to recognize who it was by the ‘energy’ they radiated.

After she recovered, she did extensive research on the effect of ENERGY that we bring into our life –

Our home, our place of work, everywhere you go. “Be aware of the energy you bring into your space”

Nobody else is responsible for your life. It does not matter what your father did or what your mother did not do. What you do with your life is your responsibility. You can blame everyone that has played a part in your life so far – it still is up to you what you do with your life now. EVERYTHING YOU DO – you do to yourself. If you are angry and aggressive – how do you feel afterwards?  You do this to yourself. If you are kind and patient – you reap the benefit of firstly how you feel inside and also the effect you have on everyone you encounter.

When I finally understood that I can not go through my life blaming my unhappiness on OTHERS – that is when EVERYTHING changed for me –  When I finally stopped WAITING for the day when OTHERS would change, then EVERYTHING changed – even if my life was still essentially the same and not how I wanted it to be!

We are all ORDINARY – Even if we think others seem so much more – or have so much more – we are all the same. The difference comes in with the living intention and integrity I choose to live - this is what adds the little EXTRA and makes and ordinary person EXTRA-ORDINARY and an ordinary life into and EXTRA-ORDINARY life.

The saying goes:  SELF worth is worth much more that net worth.

One of the best gifts we can give ourselves is to get rid of excuses

The dangerous thing about excuses is that if we recite them enough times, we actually come to believe that they are true….

We need to start by taking responsibility for what we bring to the table: Your attitude or ENERGY you bring to your day – to your home, your place of work and everywhere you go. What your eyes say. What your body language says, what words you speak.

You are a unique individual who has a purpose  – the mere fact that you are alive and here means that there is a role that only you can full-fill. You need to find the WORTH in SELF. Take each day as one small step in the right direction. There are no instant fixes. You need to feel good about what you did today. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant. When what you do is attached to good intention and done with integrity – it will have a ripple effect –Everyone who comes into contact with you will be affected.  YOU will notice that too

EVERYTHING YOU DO – YOU DO TO YOURSELF.  IS YOUR  GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?

The reward is the Joy – when you start feeling Joy you know that you are happy – Life may still not be remotely perfect – but you will know that you are ok –

Karin Engman   Life coach    ermelo   072 1896951 thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Communication

COMMUNICATION      Publishing 2 October 2012

A very important LIFE SKILL would be to learn how to LISTEN – do you really hear what the person is saying?  Mostly we simply stay tuned into our own frequency and hear what we THINK the person is saying…… and mostly we prefer to do the talking!

To repeat the slogan of last week and embroider a little bit more – with the thoughts from  Dr Ernest Frost’s couch:

“The meaning of communication is the response you get”

If the response you get is not what you want, change how and what you are communicating; it is up to YOU to change your message until you get the reaction/response that you want. There is much more embedded in this belief than meets the ear or eye at first glance. It is not only about the physical language or words but also the intention that it carries on a deeper level.

 If something is not the way you want it to be, it can be really worth looking at your way of communicating and the message you are sending out. I have quite often heard a parent angrily say to a child: “How many times must I tell you not to do this and to listen?”

I find the concept of  a chronic illness seen from the perspective very interesting.  Illness  can be seen as a form of communication breakdown,  the body’s way of saying the same message, (how many time must I tell you?) just with ‘pain’(illness) as a way of communicating and trying to get the message over to you. Our bodies respond to our thoughts and emotions and show us through illness what we seem to be ignoring. How anxious are you?  How stressed are you?  Are you simply pushing aside that which you know you have to change?  How long will you be able to ignore what your body is telling you loud and clear? The most precious gift we can offer anyone (ourselves) is our attention.

Dr Ernest Frost writes: “As a child I watched a programme ‘Maya the Bee’ a typical children’s television programme about the happy life and adventures of Maya, a honey bee. Now, 40 years later while watching a programme about the disappearance of bees all over the earth because of pesticides, a different reality struck me. Bees are so successful because of their very effective way of communicating. One bee will communicate where a new food source is through dance movements, and the whole bee community then responds by working as an interconnected whole to go out and find it. The effect that the pesticides have on the bees is a breakdown of their delicate nervous systems, which cause them to become disorientated. By not being able to communicate properly anymore, their messages get scrambled; they can’t find the new food source and they also can’t find their way back (home) to the hive, dying somewhere on their own. Using this as a parallel on different levels to humankind can be quite revealing. Not only regarding the communication breakdown in our interpersonal relationships (marriage, friendships); diseases and illness can be linked to a communication breakdown on an intrapersonal level.  Our cells respond to our messages (thoughts) of emotions like fear and anger or attacking our own bodies (auto immune diseases) with emotions like guilt, blame and shame. Our cells become disorientated and the ‘meaning’ (illness/disease) we get as a result, is most often not what we intended as a message, in the first place. “

We need to pay attention to what our physical bodies are trying to tell us.

“Silent” and “Listen” are spelled with the same letters – are you listening?

Karin Engman,

 Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

 Ermelo, 072 189 6951, 

www.karin-engman.blog.com,

comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Judgement   For Publishing 25^th September 2012

There comes a time when we no longer need the approval of others in order to believe in ourselves. However, we should always care and be aware of the effect our behaviour and decisions has on others.

As the saying goes: “ The meaning of communication is the response you get”.  In other words, if you do not like the reaction or response you get, you need to change the ‘question’. I find this totally liberating.  Therefore we can no longer whinge and whine about others – the ball bounces squarely back in our court. 

When we learn that we can’t always be sure that people say what they mean or mean what they say, this complicates matters somewhat. It helps to make peace with the fact that ultimately only you are responsible for your choices. We need to learn not to take everything so personally. IT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! There are so many other considerations. Put yourself in the shoes of the OFFENDER. Step out of your drama and look at the situation from a second or even a third perspective. Each person is busy in their own drama and not necessarily in yours.

When we learn to stand on our own feet and take responsibility for our actions and reactions, an inner liberation occurs.  Learn to take care of yourself … and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of SELF-RELIANCE.

Sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry …. And in this process a sense of new found
CONFIDENCE is born of SELF-APPROVAL and KNOWING just WHO you really are.

           

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties … and in that process a sense of PEACE and CONTENTMENT is born of FORGIVENESS.

Live and Let Live - as there, for the Grace of God, go I.

“One must judge men not by their opinions but what their opinions have made of them” GC Lichtenberg 1789

Karin Engman,

 Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

 Ermelo, 072 189 6951, 

www.karin-engman.blog.com,

comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Slow Puncture - Pap Wiel

Slow Puncture – Pap Wiel – published 18 September 2012

As ek ons fisiese liggaam vir hierdie doeleinde mag vergelyk met n vier wiel voertuig.  Ons benodig die regte tiepe brandstof, aandag wanneer dit tyd is vir n diens, en so voorts.  Ook is dit belangrik om die lugdruk in die bande te kontroleer en te balanseer. Dit kan lewens gevaarlik wees om met n onpadwaardige kar te bestuur.

Ons gesondheid is nie n eenvoudige saak nie. Dit is nie genoeg om jou multivitamiene elke dag te sluk, probeer om fiks te bly, en groente en vrugte te eet nie.  Dit is ook nodig dat ons bewus is van al vier die gesondheids ‘wiele’.  Geestelike, fisiese, emosionele en verstandelike.

Ons Geestelike Gesondheid is ons fondament  – as ons nie n lewendige en gesonde verhouding met God het nie is dit onmoontlik om n gesonde verhouding met onsself of met enige ander mense te verwag.  Om te weet/glo dat God ons onvoorwaardelik liefhet is uiters noodsaaklik. Dit is die eerste vraag: “is ek goed genoeg”? “Kan God my regtig liefhe net soos ek is?” Die antwoord hierop is n onomwonde JA! Deur my geestelike verhouding met God kan ek groei as mens en blom Sy Liefde. Die vraag is – het jy die gewisheid (German Gewissenheit) dat God saam met jou bestuur – Sy hande op jou hande – as you navigate your life?

Ons gesondheid is grootendeels ons eie verantwoordelikheid. Die keuse om gesond te lewe en my ligaam met respek en liefde te behandel – kan net ek self maak.

Ons algehele lewens balans hang af van al vier wiele  en dat elkeen die regte ‘druk’ het -

Hoe gebalanseert ons emotionele wiel is en met watter vaardigheid ons probleme en lewens ervaringe hanteer, het n direkte invloed op ons ander wiele.  

Meestal weet ons presies waar ons besig is om n pap wiel te ontwikkel.  Ons probeer om dit te ignorer en aan te gaan met die lewe.  Totdat ons op n stadium langs die lewenspad gaan staan en nie verder kan ry nie. Ons weet hoe dit voel om te bestuur met n ongebalanseerde wiel – dit verg ons aandag. Ons weet ons moet iets daaromtrent doen.  Ongelukkig kies baie mense om n meer ‘geleerde’ opinie te vra en is BAIE verlig as hulle n voorskrif kry en n pilletjie kan sluk wat die fisiese of emosionele ‘pyn’ vir n rukkie laat verdwyn of vervaag.  Ek hoor van te veel mense wat ‘happy’ pille sluk – en abrakadabra – alles lyk beter en wie sou kon dink dat dit SO maklik sou wees.

Die ‘seer’ sal miskien vir n wyle gekontroleer wees, maar sal altyd weer kop uit steek op een of ander manier.  Dit is noodsaaklik om aandag te skenk aan n ‘slow puncture’ voordat jou band bars en jy beheer oor jou voertuig verloor. 

Dit verg moed om self verantwoordelikheid vir jou gesondheid te aanvaar.  Eers word ons bewus van die fluistering, wat ons laat weet dat daar fout is.  Dan kom die ‘tap on the shoulder’ en daarna die struikel oor die haak plek in jou pad, dan die val waar jy seer kry en uiteindelik stort alles in een.  Luister en wees bewus, mens kan dit nie vir altyd onder die mat in vee nie.

Ons kry almal seer – n wyse mens het my lank gelede oortuig dat seer kry nie noodwendig n slegte ding is nie.  Dit is wat ons laat groei en wat ons forseer om te verstaan en te word wie ons is.  Daar is n doel met watter soort mens ons uiteindelik word.  As ek terug kyk na my lewe kan ek begin dankbaar wees vir al die seer en al die ‘foute’ wat ek beleef en gemaak het.  Sodoende is die Lewe my Universiteit om uit ondervinding met empatie te kan verstaan en luister na n ander mens se seer. 

Skryf jou SEER in die sand waar die wind van vergifnis dit kan uitwis. Engrave in Stone that which you treasure, so no wind can ever erase it.

Karin Engman,

 Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

 Ermelo, 072 189 6951, 

www.karin-engman.blog.com,

comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

  

Dare to Go Bare

DARE TO GO BARE – Published 11^th September 2012

I overheard a lady at the hair dresser telling the perfectly groomed stylist how horrified she is that woman go shopping in their track suits.  How could you be seen in a track suit in public – PLEASE!! We won’t mention some ladies walking around town in their slipper.....

In a ‘previous’ life, living in Jozi, I belonged to the perfection club.  I had the perfect blond streaks, costing a small fortune and taking the better part of the day.  I visited all the youth enhancing, cellulite melting Rosebank Kugel studios. I will be the first to admit, in my early thirties, I looked like a million dollars!  Here is the secret – on the outside I looked fabulous, on the inside I was a mess! But that was me and that was then.....

So you can imagine this ‘Kugel’ arriving on the shores of Oz in the early 90’s, training to become a Scuba instructor – make up and perfectly blow dried bob!  I was most uncomfortable at first, with NO make-up and to be seen with wet hair plastered in complete disarray all over the place.

Let me assure you, under water, wearing a mask and a huge regulator stuck in your mouth blowing a Jacuzzi on every out breath is NOT attractive!  Not to mention the wet suit – goodness me – and to publicly squeeze yourself into this ridiculous contraption is enough to really challenge your self-assurance.  Pouring myself into neoprene never got any easier.  No matter how cool a brand name or how bright the neon accessories – it is decidedly unattractive.  I tried all the variations of wetsuits, but take my word for it, the ones you slide into easily do not keep you warm and chattering teeth for an hour is just not fun. The more you resemble the Oros Man – the toastier you can stay under water!

I recall a few years later, much more comfortable with my natural look, taking a boat load of Russians on a day excursion in Thailand. The young portly men were heavily gold chained and ringed and the high heeled pretty young ladies, would put Barbie to shame. The ladies, I kid you not, gasped horrified during the briefing, realizing that snorkelling required putting their faces into the water.  How they had planned on actually seeing fish is still a mystery.

This is not a criticism to enhancing your appearance – the need of a MASK is the sad story. Everyone needs to groom and care about how they present themselves to the world. There is much to be said about hygiene and cleanliness and neatness. Question is:  What is your mask of choice? How comfortable are you with the NATURAL you (NO MAKE UP) – would you DARE TO GO BARE? Permanent make-up does NOT count!

We all have our masks in life – for one it may be the perfect appearance, for another the big car, and another the bulging muscles or the brand named clothes or all of the above! The amazing realization comes when you think you are projecting a certain imagine when most see right through it and love you anyway – isn’t it amazing that we are wearing these masks to hide from ourselves and that we are only fooling ourselves?

You are beautiful as you are – nothing wrong with enhancing – but do you really need a MASK? Dare to Go Bare and be the REAL YOU! Let go of the masks that require so much upkeep and maintenance.  Let go of the chase of perfection and allow the real you to Blossom. As you emerge fully, and recognize that the people that truly care about you – love the REAL you and not the façade you have cultivated with so much effort! The ones that don’t..... never REALLY loved YOU anyway.    

“Don’t write your name on the sand or in the sky, water and wind will wash it away. Write your name in hearts of people, that’s where it will stay.”

Karin Engman    Ermelo    072 1896951

Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

www.karin-engman.blog.com

comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast - Lets recognise the beauty in life – published 4^th September 2012

A hearty congratulations to all involved at Ligbron Academy of Technology, in staging this absolutely awesome production.  We bought tickets in support of the effort and of course the minimal entertainment Ermelo has to offer.  What a delightful experience!  The musical group’s singing brought tears to my eyes and goose bumps all over.  The months of rehearsal and the obvious dedication showed clearly in your grandiose production - you must all be SO proud!

              

The theme of this story appeals to me.  The ability to see past the ‘beast’ and recognise the ‘beauty’ of the person within.  Also, the transformation of the ‘Beast’ as he softens and finally believes that he really is worthy of love.  Literally as though a ‘light’ went on with this realisation and true love unfolds.  There seems to be much ‘Beastliness’ and ugliness everywhere we look.  The tragedy at the Lonmin Mine recently and many other examples world-wide, including the anniversary of 9/11 next week.  Ugliness seems to flourish, covering hope of a better life or a better world.  The helplessness that emerges from the daily bombardment of ‘ugly’ news can easily overwhelm us, resulting in a feeling of hopelessness.  I believe the HOPE and the difference that CAN be made, lies within each one of us.  Our feeling ‘alive’ will dim, with all the negative feed we have from newspapers, TV and general suffering of people we encounter.  Like a candle that is oxygen starved and will eventually go out.  This is a choice – How bright is your light burning?

  

Research was done recently to determine the ‘happiness’ factor of the youth worldwide.  It is concluded that the majority of people are 20% alive / happy.   Meaning the enthusiasm towards life, the general hope and expectations etc. is very low.  What does this mean?  It means we have very weak petrol in our tanks.  This equates to what ‘petrol’/ information we buy into.  What we do with each opportunity and each day.  That means 80% of our potential is simply wasted through poor attitude.  It is time that each one of us take action to turn up the light, to decide to participate in being alive.  You have the potential and the ability to turn that dimmer switch up to shine brighter.  The brighter you shine, the more positive effect you have on everything and everyone around you.  Each person you encounter in your day is affected by your light shining brightly, instead of your oxygen starved light that sucks everything from all those you meet.  If each one of us shines that little bit brighter, together we can make a difference. 

  

 Human beings are not the strongest species on the planet.  We are not the fastest or strongest or maybe not even the smartest.  The one advantage we have is the ability to co-operate, to help each other.  We recognise ourselves in each other.  We are programmed for compassion, heroism and love.  These are the reasons we survive or perhaps even why we want to survive.

  

 “Give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life...”

LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE BRIGHTLY!  Thank you Ligbron, you showed us how it’s done!

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker Ermelo, 072 189 6951, 

www.karin-engman.blog.com, comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za