Light Bulb Moments

Light BulbMoments    26 June 2012

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling! 

A light goes on and a new understanding starts unfolding.

Some call it GROWING UP  – some go through their entire lives and never GET it –  and some get stuck along the way. 

The greatest compliments I received recently was when a person told me:  “it looks like you are glowing”.

Unfortunately this ‘glow’ does not come in a pill form or with and on/off switch. We need to keep on dusting, cleaning and sometimes replacing a few light bulbs along the way…

A light goes on when you realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change … or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

Another light goes on when you come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you … and in the process a sense of SERENITY is born of ACCEPTANCE.

You finally accept the fact that you do not need to be perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are … and that's OK.  Everyone is entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between WANTING and NEEDING and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with … and in the process you learn to go with and trust your instincts.

 
I believe the greatest “glow’ comes from learning about love. How to love, and even more challenging ALLOWING and accepting LOVE.  

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.  “Live and Let Live” – and then “Let Go and Let God”.

If we know that we are loved by God, then we can learn to love ourselves and only then can we truly love and be loved.

“To realize the love we hold is like finding hidden treasure!”

Feel the glow!

Relationship/Anxiety  Councelling    Karin Engman

Bioscience Centre 017 8111136

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Berou (Regrets) - before editing - I beg your leniency

n Lewe sonder Berou

In my vroe twintige jare was ek in n baie ongelukkige lewens situasie. Ek het nie geweet wat depressie is nie.  Ek was oortuig dat my lewe n totale  mislukking was en het dit ernstig oorweeg om my lewe te be-eindig. In my emotionele ‘roller coaster’ het ek geglo dat dit die beste oplossing sou wees vir almal.  In later jare het my neef, saam met wie ek groot geword het, selfmoord gepleeg.  Toe eers het ek besef watter hartseer dit veroorsaak vir die wat agter bly. Dit het baie moed gekos om verantwoording te aanvaar vir my eie foute en te kies om te LEWE!

Dit is nie maklik om n stap in die onbekende te neem nie.  Ons moet geloof en VERTROUE he dat ons GELY en BESKERM sal word wanner onsekerheid n besluit bevraag. Ons almal staan voor enorme uitdagings.  Nie net op n persoonlike vlak nie, maar polities en wereld uitdagings is op n krisis punt. Dit verg daagliks moed om klein uitdagings te hanteer en te voltooi.

Ek het onlangs n boek van die 5 gemeenste Mense Lewens Berou gevind. “Life Regrets of the Dying”. Die Outeur is n verpleegster wat mense die laaste weke van hulle lewens versorg.  In die laast tyd val al die onbelangrike daaglikse fokus weg en bly net die herinnering aan wat WAS of KON gewees het.

Die vyf mees in gemeen aspekte van BEROU:

1.       Ek wens ek het die moed gehad my lewe opreg vir MY te lewe in plaas van wat ander van my verwag het.  Ek berou al die onvervulde drome….baie het nie eers EEN droom bewaar nie – en het berou oor lewensbesluite wat hulle geneem of nie geneem het nie.(blykbaar by VER die mees algemeene berou) 

 Sydney Smith:” Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time, it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable”

2.       Ek wens ek het nie so hard gewerk nie

3.       Ek wens ek het die moet gehad om my gevoellens te wys/betuig

4.       Ek wens ek het met my vriende in verbinding gebly

5.       Ek wens ek het myself toegelaat om gelukking te wees.

“Ons is wat on voorgee om te wees – wees versigtig wat jy voorgee! Dit verg MOED om volwasse te word en te wees wie jy regtig is.”

Mag u aan u self LEWENS medaljes toeken van: dapperheid (courage)       goedhartigheid (kindness)                       goeie voornemens (resolve)      verbeeldingsrykheid(imagination)     entusiasme (enthusiasm)    eerlikheid (work ethic)    geloof en vertroue (leaps of faith)

n Geliefde familie lid het eenkeer vir my gese:  “I love that you are brave enough to make mistakes” .  Dit verg moed om verantwoordelikheid te aanvaar as jy verkeerd is en te begin om n brug te bou in plaas van mure.  Dit is net ons eie Gedagtes wat ons gevange hou.

Maak n punt daarvan om meer te GLIMLAG en om meer te VERTOU en wees oop vir elke wonderlike MOONTLIKHEID.  Met MOED in jou hart en GOD by jou sy kan jy begin om die LEWE wat jy graag wil lewe, te begin ontwerp. ( With courage in your heart and God by your side you can take a stand.  Take a deep breath and begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.)

Hang a wind chime outside your window so that you can hear the gentle breeze - NO REGRETS!           

Daar is n spreekwoord:  Die Lewe is n Keuse – Kies om te Lewe

If I Had My Life To Live Over  - Nadine Stair (85 yrs old)

I am one of those people who live

Sensibly and sanely hour after hour day after day.

Oh, I’ve had my moments,

And if I had it to do over again,

I’d have more of them.

In fact, I’d try to have nothing else,

Just moments, one after another,

Instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

I would start barefoot earlier in the spring

And stay that way later in the autumn

I would go dancing more often

I would ride more merry-go-rounds

I would pick more daisies

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Trauma/anxiety/depression       Karin Engman  

017 8111136        comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Integrity

I N T E G R I T Y – H O N E S T Y  -  R E S P E C T

When we moved to Ermelo eight years ago, someone told me that Ermelo was the boiling pot of the old South Africas’  racial divide.  This may be so, but I have also experience/heard about many heart-warming stories of kindness,  of patience and of tolerance.  

I wonder how many of you read the piece in the Sunday Times by the columnist Ndumiso Ngcobo?  The story was about a well- known black South African artist who stopped in a small Free-state town and was approached by  a young white boy:  ”  the barefoot, shirtless, dirty white boy “respectfully”  addressed the black artist, ………. :Asseblief Oom Ka**ir, koop vir my n roomys.”  At first he was obviously taken aback, and believing that he had heard wrong, he asked the boy to repeat what he had just said.  The artist realized that there was no disrespect intended and this boy was simply a product of his environment. Obviously this is by no means an acceptable or excusable behaviour.  Sadly I still hear the ‘K’ word far too regularly.  When I hear it from young children, it puts a shiver up my spine – what chance does this country have if we do not teach our children right from wrong.

 I found a quote that says: “Live your life in the manner that you would like your children to live theirs”.

We as parents are our childrens’ greatest influence.  Formal education and Life can teach many things but the power of teaching by example is in the hands of the parents/guardians.    A life lived with integrity rewards you with SELF-RESPECT. Each time we disregard what is right, we diminish our self respect.   

“It is not living as such that is important as it is to living rightly.”  Because we have no enforcement of law(!) does not mean that a law no longer applies.  There is no small wrong or big wrong – wrong is wrong.

It is human nature to point out the wrong in others and therefore feel better about ourselves.   Many might also say: “I am only one person to try – I say I am one less to quit.  “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness”.  We are all playing for the same team – we need to all pull in the same direction. We all want the same thing:  a roof over our heads, safe streets, education for our children.  This is NOT a black or white thing – it is a basic human need.  Come on!!  Let’s live like we are playing for the same team – we are all South Africans.

If you want to be respected, you must first respect yourself.  Self-respect is the fruit of discipline, the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no, when you know what is right and what is wrong.

Mahatma Ghand said:  In matters of style, swim with the current, in matter of principle, stand like a rock. The future depends on what we do in the present.

Currently there is an URGENCY for CHANGE.  We know that all is not well – politically, economically and otherwise. Change will not fall out of the sky.  We all need to contribute towards change. If we all light one candle, we contribute towards adding LIGHT.

One must judge men not by their opinions but what their opinions have made of them .                    GC Lichtenberg 1789

My prayer today:                                                                                                                               Let light stream forth into the minds of men.
Let Light descend on Earth.

From the point of Love within the Heart of God
Let love stream forth into the hearts of men.

From the centre where the Will of God is known
Let purpose guide the little wills of men -

From the centre which we call the race of men
Let the Plan of Love and Light workout.

Let Light and Love restore God’s  Plan on Earth.

ADVERT:   Trauma/Anxiety counselling  Karin Engman  017 8111136                                         comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Healthy Decisions and Life Choices

Healthy Decisions and Life Choices

Someone once wrote: “wrong choices of the past may feel like failure – turn failure into fertilizer and use it to grow”. We can’t change our past but we certainly CAN change our future.

The blessings of Motherhood surprised me in my early forties and changed me profoundly. Generationally we want to give our children everything and especially that, which we might not have had ourselves.  I promised myself and my unborn child, that I will teach her the Life Skill of making Healthy Choices .  My early adult choices were mostly impulsive, throwing caution to the wind – with negative results.  I also made decisions based on what I thought was expected of me, by my parents or society – with equally negative results.   

Our Emotions are the real driving force behind our thinking.  Our decision making is profoundly influenced by the circumstances of our life and then of course our life is profoundly influenced by our decisions. The ability to make healthy decisions  and choices is vital to a life moving in a positive direction instead of sliding out of control. 

On a scientific level it is obviously not a simple matter.  Many areas of the brain are participants in each individual’s capacity to make healthy decisions.  The ability to reason with logic is a big part although the emotional centres influence this process and complicate things.  The logical part of the brain needs to measure how it FEELS about the decision before being able to finalize the process. 

Aristotle once wrote:  “Anyone can become angry.  But to become angry with the right person to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.” In other words, our rational brain needs to communicate to our emotional brain so that a healthy decision can be made.  This is a very individual process and can be completely different from one person to another.  The question is: are we in touch with both areas and allowing this process to take place in order to reach the correct conclusion

We all make poor choices, however, to repeat the same mistake is regrettable. If we can learn from each other, we could make a lot of LIFE COMPOST. As Oprah says:  One thing I know for sure:  We don’t know what goes on in the private lives of even those closest to us.  Therefore we can’t stand in judgement. Each one of us has to take responsibility for choices and live with the consequences. It is a VERY important Life Skill and responsibility to learn how to make choices that are right and healthy for us as an individual, which in turn has an effect on community, country and the planet.

With our INTEGRITY in place, our individual Spiritual/Religious Convictions, our upbringing, our parents and teachers, as guidance – we are all challenged every day to make a CHOICE, even if it is seemingly unimportant.  The answer lies in getting out of your head and into your heart.                  The TRUTH lies in the HEART.

 Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing. --Oscar Wilde