Extra-Ordinary

 EXTRA-ORDINARY

Even though it was a lifetime ago, I remember my first year in high school so very well. I grew up on the countryside and only started wearing school shoes in grade 7, in preparation for high school.  I went from being a day scholar for seven years, to being a border.  Going home once every 6 weeks, was a huge adjustment. Emotionally I was still a child and had to toughen up fast. I was not comfortable with the teaching language, and faced daily ridicule from the city kids. I definitely did not qualify for the ‘cool’ group.  I was literally thrown into the deep end. Instead of sinking, I kept my head above water and eventually learnt to swim.

Looking back, I remember feeling so ordinary and longing to be accepted.  It was only in later years when I eventually learnt, that there is no such thing as an ordinary person. Regardless where you come from or what your circumstances are, it’s a matter of belief.

I recently watched the US Masters and like many of you, I would have liked our homeboy Louis Oosthuizen to win. Instead, Bubba got in a magnificent saving shot and took the trophy. With no formal training or qualifications, and a name like Bubba, he now ranks among the world’s best golfers.  What an inspiration!

Some might think it is impossible to change the future – but in reality the future is only what you make it. Life always comes with a choice. We all have a special purpose.  We do not need to be a hero, or a Mother Theresa. We can all contribute towards humanity, each in our own small way. 

A wise person wrote: “ Lasting happiness comes from the size of our impact not the size of our income – Real fulfilment is a product of the value we create and the contribution we make.           Self-worth is much more important than net worth”

Be significant, make your life matter.  Here lies the difference between feeling ordinary to being EXTRAORDINARY.    

As the saying goes: “It is not the breath we breathe that counts, but every moment that takes our breath away”

Advert  “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little EXTRA”                              Karin Engman Life Coach   Bioscience Centre   Ermelo                 017 8111136

Face your Fears

Face your Fears

An elderly person once said to me:” Life is not a dress rehearsal.  Even when we get the chance to rehearse and practice, we never seem to get to the grand opening. You know this for sure when you have more yesterdays than tomorrows.”

If only….. or …. What if….. may hold us back from taking that all important first step.  ”Baby Steps” – the smallest action is worth much more than the boldest of intentions.

Looking back on my life, I notice that every time I was in personal trouble, I signed up for something adventurous.  In hindsight, this seem to take the focus away from myself and the challenging situation. After a specific personal accomplishment, I was a changed person with more strength to face what I needed to face.

One of the adventures was becoming a scuba diver.  Even though I am comfortable in water, I had to force myself to push the deflate button to start sinking and start breathing under water. Instinctively my brain screamed “DANGER”! Once I mastered the basics I was amazed.  The weightless feeling and the beauty under water was breath taking.

 Overcoming the fear of night diving was the biggest challenge for me.  I had seen the movie Jaws and of course also knew that sharks hunt at night.  My courage was tested to the limit.  However, the sense of accomplishment  was well worth it.

Courage is the only way to live.  Bravery is not something you feel.  It is something you show.

 By embracing your fears you become exhilarated instead of hysterical.

Move out of the safe harbour. True bravery can only happen in the face of fear.  If you are not afraid, how can your actions be brave? 

Perhaps doing one thing you are frightened of, may just make life less scary in the long run.

Fear can hold us back.  It keeps us in our comfort zone, which is actually the lesser safe place to be. 

On the other side of fear is strength! Every time we push through fear, we gain a little more freedom.

As the saying goes:  “the greatest risk in life is taking no risk”

Authenticity

Authenticity – be true to yourself

On a recent course I attended the facilitator did a one on one introduction with each participant.  We had to stand, stretch our arms out wide, with closed eyes answer the question:  Who are you? The answer was not: “a wife, a mother, a teacher, a student or a friend” 

Would you have the answer to this question? Do you know who you are – truthfully?

We hide behind career, children and life stress, NOT to be alone with our thoughts.  When we have alone time, we find something to keep us busy instead.  Society, culture/religion and family expectations can be intimidating and overwhelming. 

Repeated criticism and abusive relationships undermine our self-worth.  Gradually we may even believe the accusations to be true.  Perceived imprisonment in a committed relationship can be destructive and with time gradually result in simply disconnecting.  

At what point do we give up trying to be true to ourselves?  When do we simply believe a situation to be hopeless?   When do we stop caring?   Finding a coping mechanism often results in harmful and damaging behaviour. 

Mostly, addiction is a gradual process, starting with a perceived coping mechanism, that eventually becomes a way of life.  Addiction takes many forms, i.e. food, pain tablets, extreme sport, sex, drugs, alcohol and so on.  As a friend reminded me:  Condemn the sin and not the sinner.

When we get lost in the maze of who we are, who we are expected to be, and believe that we will never live up to the expectations, we disconnect.  Without the life line, to that which I value within myself, we simply stop caring.  We give up on ourselves and then are able to engage in addictive behaviour.

If you wait for the right time to finally be the REAL you – that time may never come.

A true gift is the commitment to live authentically.  We need to find our own values and live life on our own terms but within and according to our own religious, cultural and social environment.  Only then can we know the hidden self and find our hopes, strengths and weaknesses that make us who we are.

Once we can be completely Truthful and Honest with ourselves, and therefore true to our Spiritual Life Path, then this will bring with it Life Joy beyond our highest imagination. 

Freedom lies in being your true AUTHENTIC self.

As the saying goes:  “There is only one life for each one of us – our own.  Just being yourself, being who you are, is a successful rebellion.”

Advert:  When the world says:  Give up .  Hope whispers:  Try it one more time!

Dare to Live your Dream – published 8/5/12 (Highveld Tribune)

One of the best gifts we can give ourselves is to get rid of excuses.

Rudyard Kipling once wrote:  “We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse”.

The dangerous thing about excuses is that if we recite them enough times, we actually come to believe that they are true.   

Life itself is a journey – the most important reward is not what you are getting, but who you are becoming.

Most of us tend to undervalue ourselves. 

Somewhere along the way of growing up, we adopt the belief of “not good enough”.  We may dream about doing something or being someone, but find many reasons not to follow this dream.

The fear of ridicule and negative comments has kept me from following some of my dreams.

It is a daily challenge. To be true to myself is like peeling away the layers of an onion.  There is always another layer.

We compare ourselves to others, and always seem to come up short.  We are not rich enough, tall, thin, beautiful or successful enough - as long as we compare, there will always be someone we perceive to be more. 

When we reach certain milestones in life – it is worthwhile taking a little time, taking a fresh look at who we have become.

To be completely honest with ourselves - look into the mirror - see into our own eyes.

We are part light and part shadow – the God light shining from within, holds all the birth gifts and talents. This makes us unique, only we can allow the true authentic self to blossom. 

The shadow holds the life lessons – the challenge to learn from our life experiences/circumstaces and choices that we have made. There is no other person that can fill your role on your stage of your life. Instead of denying the shadow part of ourselves we are freed in the moment of recognition.  It is then that we can begin to work on and change (each in his own conviction)the perceived negative of what  we have become and uncover the full potential of who we are created to be.

Dare to be all of who you can be  - the true authentic you – there is only ONE of YOU!

As the saying goes: “Do not let yesterday use too much of tomorrow”