Living my Best Life

Living my best life    -  published 31 July 2012

In my early-twenties, a career counselor asked me what my five year Life/Career plan was. In later years, I heard this question repeated many a time. I recall even on dates asking where I was planning to be in five years time….

Some are fortunate and know exactly what they want to do and with clear focus move towards their goal post.  I was not a person with a calling THEN. In hindsight, I probably resembled a leaf fluttering in the wind, often changing life/career directions.

It was only recently that I had the confirmation from one of my ‘teachers’ that a time frame on goals was setting yourself up for potential failure.

Dreams and goals are to be encouraged, providing you can accept that these can change as you grow as a person or your life circumstances change. Changing a goal or letting go of a dream, does not mean failure.

           

How do we KNOW what is simply pie in the sky, or actually possible, when we decide to pursue our DREAM LIFE?

I came across a book by BOB GREENE “Living my best Life”.

The five points are quoted from his book – the interpretation is my personal view:

1)   Build a REALISTIC vision of your Life.

Literally see yourself in your DREAM life in 3D.

All the details, in full colour, REALISTICALLY.

See the house, see the office, the signage of your business, the car, the spouse, the children the dog and the picket fence

2)   Do a WORTHINESS check – as you go through all the details of your VISION – feel what happens to your body.  Does your body give you excitement confirmation of this possibility or does your body tell you clearly that this does NOT fit/feel right.  Be honest with yourself – DO I believe I deserve to have this? Be sure to get a clear YES.

3)   Identify the BARRIERS (not the excuses)

e.g.  discomfort/pain = break through these

What will hold me back from living this life? Am I willing to put in the required effort?  Physical or otherwise -

If this life will make me uncomfortable – examine this.

If this life will cause me/or my loved ones, pain – identify this. Living this life needs to be ECOLOGICAL.

4)   Making TOUGH CHOICES

You might need to let go of your current job or relationship. This step is the hardest part for most.  To stay in a relationship/work even if it makes me miserable, instead of facing/risking the unknown, is really TOUGH. It is in this frame of mind that we need to get out of our heads and listen to our hearts.  The voice in your head will talk you out of it, if you stay in your head.  The ‘knowing’ in your heart, is what will guide you, as to what is the right choice for you.

Stay true and completely honest with yourself.

5)   Put YOURSELF FIRST (get the support you need)

Most of us have been raised to do the opposite. We consider everyone else and the expectations of family and society in our choices.  In order to Live you Best Life, you need to be your own best friend.  You will be able to give so much more to all those that need you, as you can be the BEST of who you can BE. Very few can do this without support.  Look around your life and notice who has been there throughout.  You might be surprised to realize that people who love you, have been waiting for you to finally find the courage to Live the Life you know you are meant to LIVE.

 Karin Engman     LIFE COACH (NLP Practitioner)     Bioscience  Centre    Ermelo  082 7246985

Comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Healing the Wounds    Published 24 July 2012

My only true ambition as a young girl was to find my prince in shining armour and live happily ever after….. Today I know that happiness comes from within.  Without the serenity of wholeness as a person, a Brad Pitt or Cinderella of your wildest dreams could come along, kneel in front of you and pledge it all – to absolutely no avail.

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to have it all, yet are completely miserable and sad?

Most would, probably rightly so, deem that I grew up privileged.  My parents starting with very little, working for my grandparents in a general dealer store in a town similar to “Fried Green Tomatoes”. Yet, I have not known what it is to be hungry and do not recall ever wanting for anything.    

Many things happen to innocent people and such is Life. In comparison to some horrors of the world, my story is certainly insignificant.  Today it is my life passion to help others heal life experiences and live the best life possible.

My carefree childhood ended during my fifth Grade at the hands of the school principal. In the early 70’s most parents did not know what a Paedophile was and therefore did not see the warning signs. I know that he was recognized, perhaps not as a Paedophile as such and was warned by members of the community, before my time, yet he certainly continued with his behaviour.

Today it is well documented that many children are subjected to abuse.  As it is mostly family members or known people to the child, it often goes unreported. Especially if there is no physical tell-tale signs, the child would be embarrassed or intimidated or as in my case, think it is simply what school principals do.

Today, I thank Oprah Winfrey for speaking out about her own abuse as a young girl and lifting the veil of shame that goes with that. 

Over a period of three years, this most highly respected School Principal inappropriately fondled me and two other girls in my class. This took place in full view of all my class mates and I felt powerless to do anything. Even though I had zero sexual education at the time, I instinctively knew this to be wrong.

I was not the only one – it seemed that he ‘chose’ three girls in each class from grade 5 to 7 to be his ‘pets’ so to speak. I remember noticing that his breathing changed. The hair on the back of my  neck would rise up and the nausea would start.  Even though it would be deemed a ‘mild’ form of sexual intended caressing - from holding a hand and rubbing it while teaching, to massaging the neck or even going as far as touching the breast area.

I knew this was not ok and literally quivered in my seat.  At the same time this teacher instilled immense fear by beating anyone who displeased him with a wooden polished compass, me included.  One boy lost control of his bladder during such a beating – that was in grade 7!  

I feared going to school and was often sick and also started biting my nails.  Yet another cause for punishment. Needless to say, this did nothing to abate the attack on my defenceless fingernails!

In later years, once I knew what he had done, the anger started to surface.  I used to fantasize about seeing him crossing the road and running him down with the car, in the local town.  I would think about ways to torture him in punishment for all the children he hurt. I dreamt about exposure and legal suits….. Anger is a very destructive emotion – to self and all those close to you. Anger will eventually make you sick.

With the Grace of God and the right teachers at the right time – I learnt what I needed, to gain perspective and understanding, to forgive, to let go and to allow the healing to take place. It took effort and willingness to work through it -

I am a real example of the possibilities of becoming a whole person again.  With healing comes freedom to grow up and be a woman and wife and a mother.  Without this you may stay stuck and be unable to have the fulfilling loving relationship we all wish and hope for.

Only when we are able to move past our injuries and become whole – can we finally find and gain that sense of PEACE and CONTENTMENT that is born of understanding and FORGIVENESS.

It is in this place that the “Knight in Shining Armour” can finally come galloping over the hill ….. with his Viking Helmet firmly in place…..

Karin Engman          Bioscience Centre  

Abuse Counselling 017 811 1136

Comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Blog:  www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Prioriteite

Lewens  Prioriteite           Published    Highveld Tribune                       17July  2012                                                                                                                          

In my onlangse verlies van my geliefde Broer, het ek  geleer dat ons nie iets belangriks  kan afstel vir n later, meer passende tyd nie.  Om the wag todat alles beter pas en minder ‘upheaval’ sal veroorsaak is ongelukkig baie keer te laat of word later n LEWENS BEROU.

n Tiepise Berou:  “Ek wens in plaas van materialistiese en egotistical  doelwitte te jaag,  het ek liewer meer tyd met my kinders en my familie  en vriende  spandeer”.  Is dit nie eienaardig dat ons dink die wat ons die meeste liefhet, ons die minste hoef te wys of the se dat ons hulle lief het?  Ons verwag dat hulle dit weet. Niemand kan jou gedagtes lees nie, maak nie saak hoe goed hulle jou ken nie.  Ons is almal behoeftig om die WOORDE te hoor en die bewys van LIEFDE te sien in DADE.  

Soos die gesegte se:  VAN UITSTEL KOM AFSTEL

“as my kinder eers volwasse is dan …….”

“as ek eers in a beter finansiele plek is dan …..”

“ as ek eers 20kg ligter is dan …..”

“in die Somer  sal ek weer begin oefen en  gesonder eet  ….”

“as ons eers verhuis het dan ….”

“as my ouers/skoonouers nie meer lewe nie dan …..”

Wees bewus van die boodskap wat jy uitstuur met jou PRIORITEIT keuses.  Die lewe is gejaagd en vol stress – kommunikeer jou keuses met jou geliefdes.  Wees seker hulle verstaan dat dit noodsaaklik is om lang ure te werk ens.  Onthou, kinders kyk jou diep in jou oe en weet of jy die waarheid praat! Kinders lees van baie kleins af die uitdrukking op jou gesig – is jy BLY om hulle te sien of NIE?

My eie(jongtyd) lewens storie is n hartseer verhaal van herhaaldilike gebeurtenisse wat my oortuig het dat ek vir seker nie n PRIORITEIT was nie.  En so het ek my verwagtings uitgeleef met baie onnodige ongelukkige jare.  Wat ons as kinders glo, is nie noodwendig die waarheid nie – maar sonder die ‘toolbox’ van lewens ervaring, kan dit n halwe lewenstyd vat voordat ons dit uiteindelik verstaan en glo.

Hulle se dat ons grootste Lewens Lesse Skatte Kas in ons Familie le.  Jy kies jou vriende maar word deur God jou Familie toe ge-eien . Juis die persone wat ons die meeste irriteer of kwaad maak of teleurstel, is juis die wat ons die mees belangrikste lesse leer.  Ons kan steeds kies om ons af te sny van Familie, en so dan die bree pad kies in plaas van die noue pad waar ons GROEI  en later ontluik in die kosbare Blom wat ons bedoel is om te wees. In plaas van om die familie lid te haat en te vermy – word ons aangemoedig om hulle stillens te bedank…..( Daar word gese dat mens nie iemand moet oordeel weens hulle familie nie… J) As jy suksesful wees in die lewe moet jy blom waar ookal jy geplant word!  

Die bootskap wat ons aan juis die mense wat vir ons belangrik is en vir wie ons die liefste is, word in ons PRIOTITEITE keuses die seerste gemaak.  Dit is meestal nie so bedoel nie,maar die boodskap wat ons deur ons keuses uitstuur, maak DIEP seer.

n Kind wat ouers se aandag SO nodig het en dit nie kry nie – maak self die afleiding van minder belangrik en “not worthy of time = not worthy of love” Die Boodskap van Prioriteite word in klein gedeeltes uit gestuur – en met herhaling, elke keer beklemtoon.

“When counting your blessings, count your loved ones twice”.

Trauma/anxiety Councelling          Karin Engman      Bioscience Centre Ermelo
017 8111136     thehummingbird@v odamail.co.za    www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Why Walk if you can Fly

Why Walk if you can Fly

As a young adult, I was invited to a skydiving exhibition.  The idea took my breath away.  Most people do not understand why you would want to get out of a perfectly good plane at ridiculous heights. I was enthralled!  However, watching a professional and actually jumping yourself, are two very different things.

As a student skydiver you are attached to a static line that automatically deploys your parachute.  Once you have completed the required training, you then have to pull the cord yourself, called free-fall.  On my first free-fall, time seemed to have stopped.  What was supposed to be five seconds, turned into at least ten and the club members watching from the ground, held their breath! Needless to say the instructor was NOT happy. I froze with fright and must have gone into a passive panic …. before coming back to my senses and pulling the cord. 

Over the next few years, I did a total of 72 jumps and about 20 of those, out of a Hercules. The back of the Hercules plane opens and you run towards the sky as fast as you can.  From that height, you have about 30 seconds of free-fall and really get to fly!

You do not need to jump out of a plane to experience the exhilaration of breaking through personal limitations. Completing anything that requires you to push your own boundaries rewards with a heightened heart pounding, new level of ‘feeling alive’ experience. 

Life offers many other opportunities:

The birth of a child –

The sound of amazing music played acoustically perfect –

Watching your favourite sport live –

Hitting that perfect golf shot –

I have learnt that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve … and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have learnt that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.  

We need to learn that no one can do it all alone … and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself.  To give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

We learn to fight for life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. Life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.

God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the world that surrounds you.

We are all student skydivers of life – we are attached to the static line called God. We can take that leap of faith and trust that we are meant to live life fully and not only be a spectator.