Judgement   For Publishing 25^th September 2012

There comes a time when we no longer need the approval of others in order to believe in ourselves. However, we should always care and be aware of the effect our behaviour and decisions has on others.

As the saying goes: “ The meaning of communication is the response you get”.  In other words, if you do not like the reaction or response you get, you need to change the ‘question’. I find this totally liberating.  Therefore we can no longer whinge and whine about others – the ball bounces squarely back in our court. 

When we learn that we can’t always be sure that people say what they mean or mean what they say, this complicates matters somewhat. It helps to make peace with the fact that ultimately only you are responsible for your choices. We need to learn not to take everything so personally. IT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! There are so many other considerations. Put yourself in the shoes of the OFFENDER. Step out of your drama and look at the situation from a second or even a third perspective. Each person is busy in their own drama and not necessarily in yours.

When we learn to stand on our own feet and take responsibility for our actions and reactions, an inner liberation occurs.  Learn to take care of yourself … and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of SELF-RELIANCE.

Sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry …. And in this process a sense of new found
CONFIDENCE is born of SELF-APPROVAL and KNOWING just WHO you really are.

           

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties … and in that process a sense of PEACE and CONTENTMENT is born of FORGIVENESS.

Live and Let Live - as there, for the Grace of God, go I.

“One must judge men not by their opinions but what their opinions have made of them” GC Lichtenberg 1789

Karin Engman,

 Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

 Ermelo, 072 189 6951, 

www.karin-engman.blog.com,

comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Slow Puncture - Pap Wiel

Slow Puncture – Pap Wiel – published 18 September 2012

As ek ons fisiese liggaam vir hierdie doeleinde mag vergelyk met n vier wiel voertuig.  Ons benodig die regte tiepe brandstof, aandag wanneer dit tyd is vir n diens, en so voorts.  Ook is dit belangrik om die lugdruk in die bande te kontroleer en te balanseer. Dit kan lewens gevaarlik wees om met n onpadwaardige kar te bestuur.

Ons gesondheid is nie n eenvoudige saak nie. Dit is nie genoeg om jou multivitamiene elke dag te sluk, probeer om fiks te bly, en groente en vrugte te eet nie.  Dit is ook nodig dat ons bewus is van al vier die gesondheids ‘wiele’.  Geestelike, fisiese, emosionele en verstandelike.

Ons Geestelike Gesondheid is ons fondament  – as ons nie n lewendige en gesonde verhouding met God het nie is dit onmoontlik om n gesonde verhouding met onsself of met enige ander mense te verwag.  Om te weet/glo dat God ons onvoorwaardelik liefhet is uiters noodsaaklik. Dit is die eerste vraag: “is ek goed genoeg”? “Kan God my regtig liefhe net soos ek is?” Die antwoord hierop is n onomwonde JA! Deur my geestelike verhouding met God kan ek groei as mens en blom Sy Liefde. Die vraag is – het jy die gewisheid (German Gewissenheit) dat God saam met jou bestuur – Sy hande op jou hande – as you navigate your life?

Ons gesondheid is grootendeels ons eie verantwoordelikheid. Die keuse om gesond te lewe en my ligaam met respek en liefde te behandel – kan net ek self maak.

Ons algehele lewens balans hang af van al vier wiele  en dat elkeen die regte ‘druk’ het -

Hoe gebalanseert ons emotionele wiel is en met watter vaardigheid ons probleme en lewens ervaringe hanteer, het n direkte invloed op ons ander wiele.  

Meestal weet ons presies waar ons besig is om n pap wiel te ontwikkel.  Ons probeer om dit te ignorer en aan te gaan met die lewe.  Totdat ons op n stadium langs die lewenspad gaan staan en nie verder kan ry nie. Ons weet hoe dit voel om te bestuur met n ongebalanseerde wiel – dit verg ons aandag. Ons weet ons moet iets daaromtrent doen.  Ongelukkig kies baie mense om n meer ‘geleerde’ opinie te vra en is BAIE verlig as hulle n voorskrif kry en n pilletjie kan sluk wat die fisiese of emosionele ‘pyn’ vir n rukkie laat verdwyn of vervaag.  Ek hoor van te veel mense wat ‘happy’ pille sluk – en abrakadabra – alles lyk beter en wie sou kon dink dat dit SO maklik sou wees.

Die ‘seer’ sal miskien vir n wyle gekontroleer wees, maar sal altyd weer kop uit steek op een of ander manier.  Dit is noodsaaklik om aandag te skenk aan n ‘slow puncture’ voordat jou band bars en jy beheer oor jou voertuig verloor. 

Dit verg moed om self verantwoordelikheid vir jou gesondheid te aanvaar.  Eers word ons bewus van die fluistering, wat ons laat weet dat daar fout is.  Dan kom die ‘tap on the shoulder’ en daarna die struikel oor die haak plek in jou pad, dan die val waar jy seer kry en uiteindelik stort alles in een.  Luister en wees bewus, mens kan dit nie vir altyd onder die mat in vee nie.

Ons kry almal seer – n wyse mens het my lank gelede oortuig dat seer kry nie noodwendig n slegte ding is nie.  Dit is wat ons laat groei en wat ons forseer om te verstaan en te word wie ons is.  Daar is n doel met watter soort mens ons uiteindelik word.  As ek terug kyk na my lewe kan ek begin dankbaar wees vir al die seer en al die ‘foute’ wat ek beleef en gemaak het.  Sodoende is die Lewe my Universiteit om uit ondervinding met empatie te kan verstaan en luister na n ander mens se seer. 

Skryf jou SEER in die sand waar die wind van vergifnis dit kan uitwis. Engrave in Stone that which you treasure, so no wind can ever erase it.

Karin Engman,

 Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

 Ermelo, 072 189 6951, 

www.karin-engman.blog.com,

comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

  

Dare to Go Bare

DARE TO GO BARE – Published 11^th September 2012

I overheard a lady at the hair dresser telling the perfectly groomed stylist how horrified she is that woman go shopping in their track suits.  How could you be seen in a track suit in public – PLEASE!! We won’t mention some ladies walking around town in their slipper.....

In a ‘previous’ life, living in Jozi, I belonged to the perfection club.  I had the perfect blond streaks, costing a small fortune and taking the better part of the day.  I visited all the youth enhancing, cellulite melting Rosebank Kugel studios. I will be the first to admit, in my early thirties, I looked like a million dollars!  Here is the secret – on the outside I looked fabulous, on the inside I was a mess! But that was me and that was then.....

So you can imagine this ‘Kugel’ arriving on the shores of Oz in the early 90’s, training to become a Scuba instructor – make up and perfectly blow dried bob!  I was most uncomfortable at first, with NO make-up and to be seen with wet hair plastered in complete disarray all over the place.

Let me assure you, under water, wearing a mask and a huge regulator stuck in your mouth blowing a Jacuzzi on every out breath is NOT attractive!  Not to mention the wet suit – goodness me – and to publicly squeeze yourself into this ridiculous contraption is enough to really challenge your self-assurance.  Pouring myself into neoprene never got any easier.  No matter how cool a brand name or how bright the neon accessories – it is decidedly unattractive.  I tried all the variations of wetsuits, but take my word for it, the ones you slide into easily do not keep you warm and chattering teeth for an hour is just not fun. The more you resemble the Oros Man – the toastier you can stay under water!

I recall a few years later, much more comfortable with my natural look, taking a boat load of Russians on a day excursion in Thailand. The young portly men were heavily gold chained and ringed and the high heeled pretty young ladies, would put Barbie to shame. The ladies, I kid you not, gasped horrified during the briefing, realizing that snorkelling required putting their faces into the water.  How they had planned on actually seeing fish is still a mystery.

This is not a criticism to enhancing your appearance – the need of a MASK is the sad story. Everyone needs to groom and care about how they present themselves to the world. There is much to be said about hygiene and cleanliness and neatness. Question is:  What is your mask of choice? How comfortable are you with the NATURAL you (NO MAKE UP) – would you DARE TO GO BARE? Permanent make-up does NOT count!

We all have our masks in life – for one it may be the perfect appearance, for another the big car, and another the bulging muscles or the brand named clothes or all of the above! The amazing realization comes when you think you are projecting a certain imagine when most see right through it and love you anyway – isn’t it amazing that we are wearing these masks to hide from ourselves and that we are only fooling ourselves?

You are beautiful as you are – nothing wrong with enhancing – but do you really need a MASK? Dare to Go Bare and be the REAL YOU! Let go of the masks that require so much upkeep and maintenance.  Let go of the chase of perfection and allow the real you to Blossom. As you emerge fully, and recognize that the people that truly care about you – love the REAL you and not the façade you have cultivated with so much effort! The ones that don’t..... never REALLY loved YOU anyway.    

“Don’t write your name on the sand or in the sky, water and wind will wash it away. Write your name in hearts of people, that’s where it will stay.”

Karin Engman    Ermelo    072 1896951

Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

www.karin-engman.blog.com

comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast - Lets recognise the beauty in life – published 4^th September 2012

A hearty congratulations to all involved at Ligbron Academy of Technology, in staging this absolutely awesome production.  We bought tickets in support of the effort and of course the minimal entertainment Ermelo has to offer.  What a delightful experience!  The musical group’s singing brought tears to my eyes and goose bumps all over.  The months of rehearsal and the obvious dedication showed clearly in your grandiose production - you must all be SO proud!

              

The theme of this story appeals to me.  The ability to see past the ‘beast’ and recognise the ‘beauty’ of the person within.  Also, the transformation of the ‘Beast’ as he softens and finally believes that he really is worthy of love.  Literally as though a ‘light’ went on with this realisation and true love unfolds.  There seems to be much ‘Beastliness’ and ugliness everywhere we look.  The tragedy at the Lonmin Mine recently and many other examples world-wide, including the anniversary of 9/11 next week.  Ugliness seems to flourish, covering hope of a better life or a better world.  The helplessness that emerges from the daily bombardment of ‘ugly’ news can easily overwhelm us, resulting in a feeling of hopelessness.  I believe the HOPE and the difference that CAN be made, lies within each one of us.  Our feeling ‘alive’ will dim, with all the negative feed we have from newspapers, TV and general suffering of people we encounter.  Like a candle that is oxygen starved and will eventually go out.  This is a choice – How bright is your light burning?

  

Research was done recently to determine the ‘happiness’ factor of the youth worldwide.  It is concluded that the majority of people are 20% alive / happy.   Meaning the enthusiasm towards life, the general hope and expectations etc. is very low.  What does this mean?  It means we have very weak petrol in our tanks.  This equates to what ‘petrol’/ information we buy into.  What we do with each opportunity and each day.  That means 80% of our potential is simply wasted through poor attitude.  It is time that each one of us take action to turn up the light, to decide to participate in being alive.  You have the potential and the ability to turn that dimmer switch up to shine brighter.  The brighter you shine, the more positive effect you have on everything and everyone around you.  Each person you encounter in your day is affected by your light shining brightly, instead of your oxygen starved light that sucks everything from all those you meet.  If each one of us shines that little bit brighter, together we can make a difference. 

  

 Human beings are not the strongest species on the planet.  We are not the fastest or strongest or maybe not even the smartest.  The one advantage we have is the ability to co-operate, to help each other.  We recognise ourselves in each other.  We are programmed for compassion, heroism and love.  These are the reasons we survive or perhaps even why we want to survive.

  

 “Give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life...”

LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE BRIGHTLY!  Thank you Ligbron, you showed us how it’s done!

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker Ermelo, 072 189 6951, 

www.karin-engman.blog.com, comments: thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za