Healing the Wounds    Published 24 July 2012

My only true ambition as a young girl was to find my prince in shining armour and live happily ever after….. Today I know that happiness comes from within.  Without the serenity of wholeness as a person, a Brad Pitt or Cinderella of your wildest dreams could come along, kneel in front of you and pledge it all – to absolutely no avail.

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to have it all, yet are completely miserable and sad?

Most would, probably rightly so, deem that I grew up privileged.  My parents starting with very little, working for my grandparents in a general dealer store in a town similar to “Fried Green Tomatoes”. Yet, I have not known what it is to be hungry and do not recall ever wanting for anything.    

Many things happen to innocent people and such is Life. In comparison to some horrors of the world, my story is certainly insignificant.  Today it is my life passion to help others heal life experiences and live the best life possible.

My carefree childhood ended during my fifth Grade at the hands of the school principal. In the early 70’s most parents did not know what a Paedophile was and therefore did not see the warning signs. I know that he was recognized, perhaps not as a Paedophile as such and was warned by members of the community, before my time, yet he certainly continued with his behaviour.

Today it is well documented that many children are subjected to abuse.  As it is mostly family members or known people to the child, it often goes unreported. Especially if there is no physical tell-tale signs, the child would be embarrassed or intimidated or as in my case, think it is simply what school principals do.

Today, I thank Oprah Winfrey for speaking out about her own abuse as a young girl and lifting the veil of shame that goes with that. 

Over a period of three years, this most highly respected School Principal inappropriately fondled me and two other girls in my class. This took place in full view of all my class mates and I felt powerless to do anything. Even though I had zero sexual education at the time, I instinctively knew this to be wrong.

I was not the only one – it seemed that he ‘chose’ three girls in each class from grade 5 to 7 to be his ‘pets’ so to speak. I remember noticing that his breathing changed. The hair on the back of my  neck would rise up and the nausea would start.  Even though it would be deemed a ‘mild’ form of sexual intended caressing - from holding a hand and rubbing it while teaching, to massaging the neck or even going as far as touching the breast area.

I knew this was not ok and literally quivered in my seat.  At the same time this teacher instilled immense fear by beating anyone who displeased him with a wooden polished compass, me included.  One boy lost control of his bladder during such a beating – that was in grade 7!  

I feared going to school and was often sick and also started biting my nails.  Yet another cause for punishment. Needless to say, this did nothing to abate the attack on my defenceless fingernails!

In later years, once I knew what he had done, the anger started to surface.  I used to fantasize about seeing him crossing the road and running him down with the car, in the local town.  I would think about ways to torture him in punishment for all the children he hurt. I dreamt about exposure and legal suits….. Anger is a very destructive emotion – to self and all those close to you. Anger will eventually make you sick.

With the Grace of God and the right teachers at the right time – I learnt what I needed, to gain perspective and understanding, to forgive, to let go and to allow the healing to take place. It took effort and willingness to work through it -

I am a real example of the possibilities of becoming a whole person again.  With healing comes freedom to grow up and be a woman and wife and a mother.  Without this you may stay stuck and be unable to have the fulfilling loving relationship we all wish and hope for.

Only when we are able to move past our injuries and become whole – can we finally find and gain that sense of PEACE and CONTENTMENT that is born of understanding and FORGIVENESS.

It is in this place that the “Knight in Shining Armour” can finally come galloping over the hill ….. with his Viking Helmet firmly in place…..

Karin Engman          Bioscience Centre  

Abuse Counselling 017 811 1136

Comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Blog:  www.karin-engman.blogspot.com