Healing Deep Wounds

Healing Deep Wounds

To be exposed to war is something you will only understand if you have been there. To supress the pain in some way or the other – has to lead to unhealthy life choices.  In order not to ‘feel’ all that you have witnessed, most try to bury it somehow.  It may be in work, running marathons, or perhaps more obvious dangerous behaviour like drinking, smoking, eating too much etc.  However, it is absolutely NOT possible to run away from this injury forever.  Sooner or later it will start catching up.  Usually in our younger years we are so busy chasing that career or the financial means to provide for our loved ones, that we manage to disguise that, which we know is security filed away in our inner lock down vault.  Small triggers may bring up certain feelings and memories but mostly we can tuck them away again somehow.  In the long run the unhealed memories will show up in our relationships and in our physical health.  It might relate to guilt at the participation or helplessness to prevent the atrocities.  To be in a position of following orders from Government  that required unquestioning obedience haunt many an ex-soldier.  It is only after Vietnam, that the damage caused to ordinary young men really became known .

Post Traumatic Stress disorders, in which ever scale, is a recipe for bad health, relationships and robs the individual of any chance of real happiness.

I thank God today, that I have the opportunity, to do my small bit, to alleviate the pain and perhaps give some of our boys from the border a second chance in life of finding peace and healing of those wounds.  Sadly my beloved brother (may he rest in peace) never found the right person to help him. Perhaps  it is not too late for someone else’s’  brother!

Karin Engman     Life Coach  and motivational speaker     072 1896951

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za     www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

The Gift of Nature

The Gift of Nature

In our busy lives, this precious gift may pass you by unnoticed.  It takes but a moment to stop and just take it in.  This very morning as I gazed out of the window, the view took my breath away.  Imagine that – in Ermelo!  Our iceberg roses (white) blooming for one last time before the big freeze sets in and beyond that, the thick early morning mist.  Simply taking one minute to rejoice in the beauty, is all it took to fill my whole being with wonder.  Another day awaits, with so many possibilities and opportunities. Later that very same day, as I stood in the garden I heard two fish eagles calling to each other! This stops me in my tracks, to just listen.  What a haunting sound, what a beautiful call.  One of my very favourite birds! The gift of nature, in so many moments, for us to witness and drink in. I truly feel grateful for all that I have, and all the love that surrounds me. To focus on what we have instead of what we do not have.  To appreciate that which we love in another instead of what we wish they would change.  The perfection of nature is worth ‘pausing’ for just that moment or two.  May you notice that, which brings you that moment of connection to all that is beautiful!  It may not be roses, it may be a tree, a vase of flowers, the song or the call of a bird, it may be a thunderstorm it may be the rain – each moment  a reminder, that God is with you – every step of the way.

Karin Engman     life coach and motivational speaker    072 1896951

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za    www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Abandonment to Pure Joy

Pure  Abandonment

At the Ermelo show 2013 (may I compliment the committee and all involved on the efforts made this year!)  I observed individuals, old and young, as my young daughter enjoyed the rides at the fun faire with her friends.  What a pleasure it is watching children laughing and REALLY enjoying themselves.

   One special young girl, so very dear to my heart, who is walking this life, as one of God’s special little angels, spent ride after ride on the big swings flying high.  As she sat waiting for them to start again, she simply waited, adamantly NOT getting off.  As soon as the swings started moving forward her entire body lit up and her face just beamed. She hopped around in her secure little space in pure joy.  She seemed barely aware of anything else but simply abandoned herself to this  experience.  With little squeaks of delight, she held on securely and simply flew round and round and round.

   Ask yourself, what gives you that feeling of abandonment to joy?  I relate that kind of feeling to my skydiving or scuba diving days.  What gives me that feeling today? It really should not need to be any form of extreme sport but something as simple as a merry go round.  We all need MORE of that JOYFUL feeling !

Karin Engman    Life Coach and Motivational Speaker      072 1896951

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za       www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Transforming the Bitterness of the past

Transforming the Bitterness of the past            26 February 2013

(Unedited version)

My beautiful daughter, turning only 9 this year, asked me to tell her what it was like when I was her age.  I thank God everyday that she is so happy to go to school.  She includes her teacher and her friends in her gratitude prayer everyday!   My heart broke into a thousand pieces as I remembered that I was only one year older when my world, as I knew it, came crashing down.  Looking in from the outside I probably had a perfect life.  There was no money shortage ( at least in my grasp of things), my parents did not fight, I had many animal friends etc.  Primary school  was a complete nightmare for me and probably for most of the children attending this specific school.  In those days physical beatings occurred every day.  One boy, academically perhaps not the brightest, received brutal beatings almost daily.  The poor child was a blubbering mess to the extent that at times he wet himself.  I know my older brother (may he rest in peace) often spoke about the beatings he received.  He said that this cruel headmaster broke his spirit. I know he shattered mine…

Perhaps you did not receive beatings at school, perhaps you were bullied, perhaps you were neglected, or one of so many possibilities.  The experience of not being treated in the rightful, respectful and humane way, is certainly cause for bitterness.  Bitterness is represented in the Aura Soma Colour Care System by the colour OLIVE.  As the fresh green olive fruit taste very bitter – with time and submerged in olive oil and brine – this seemingly bitter fruit can be transformed into a delicacy. 

To go on a Journey (a form of therapy) and visit the past, bringing with you the perspective of what you know now, can be a truly healing and liberating experience.  When we realize that bitterness of the wrongs committed against us, surely only continues to bring us pain.  The perpetrator/s probably has no real grasp of the damage they have caused.  Hence the process of forgiveness is not condoning the behaviour but laying it down before God and letting it go! 

Olive brings the gift of:  “Letting go of the past bringing changes of perspective so that I may communicate through a loving and truthful heart”. Transforming the bitterness of the past into the sweetness of Spirit and bringing the gift of Hope and Peace.

Legend has it that when you are ready to let go of the Bitterness  – the Blue Heron will drop a feather on your path.  Blue represents PEACE .   Once we have forgiven we can make space for peace to fill our inner being.  With peace in our hearts, we can find that place of stillness/prayer, it is here that we are able to connect to God and also to our true self.

The challenge lies in developing self-reflective skills so that we no longer have the cloudy view of self-pity and poor self-worth , and instead take responsibility for what is happening in our life. Without this we miss all the wonderful opportunities life presents us.  Have courage to change/let go of that which no longer serves your best interest.  Appreciate the valuable lessons from past, but allow yourself to move forward and make space for new experiences.

May you find the Feather of the Blue Heron on your path and live in peace and harmony.

 Karin Engman     Motivational speaker            Life Coach      072 1896951

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za      www.karin-engman.blogspot.com    

Embracing Autumn

Embracing Autumn   19 February 2013   The Highveld Tribune  Ermelo

      This time of year on the Highveld is actually really beautiful.  The days become milder and the light takes on a softer glow. The change in colour of the leaves into the magnificence of gold, orange and yellow, is a sight to behold. Take a drive down Voortrekker road (Ermelo) in April and allow the beauty of Autumn to lift your spirits.  

      In the past, with my personality type,  I would dread what is coming instead of enjoying what is now. It has been a great learning curve for me to unlearn that which comes naturally to most. Life presents us with much opportunity to focus on the bad instead of on the beautiful.

      At this time of my life (50), with my parents in the autumn (in my opinion 65 – 80) of their lives, that I reflect in gratitude on my life so far. I give thanks to God for giving me the opportunity to learn and prepare for my eventual old age. I believe parents are chosen by God to teach that, which is most important.  Through my parents, I have learnt life lessons that have brought me to my present life of true happiness.   My parents certainly are not perfect, and nor am I. Essentially we are all human beings who make mistakes and behave in less than perfect ways. 

       Autumn gives us the opportunity to make preparations for the inevitable Winter.  In Ermelo we stock up with wood, we clean the fireplace chimney and unpack the Winter clothing. As with the cycles of nature, the cycle of life brings the unavoidable challenges of age.  God willing, in our Autumn years, most are still physically able to take care of themselves and be independent.  This is the time to reflect, complete, forgive and let go, so that we can make space for the time to become still in appreciation for however much time is still gifted to us by God.

       It is my wish, when I am older, that I will be able to look with gratitude for what I did have, for what I did experience, instead of all the imperfections/mistakes of my life.  We can choose the life attitude we live by. Even if many daily experiences are frustrating, and irritating, we can still choose to NOT get stuck there, shift our gaze and find that which is inspiring and beautiful. 

      Some life partners are blessed and have the privilege of growing old together.  This brings opportunities to reach a place of peace with each other, find acceptance of what is and what was.  To forgive each other,  for all the failures and short comings.  To forgive each other,  for all the disappointments and wrong doing.  Forgiveness sets us free!

       Letting go of the less than perfect aspects and instead, remember all the wonderful times, the achievements and the blessings that life did bring. Perhaps remember and tell the other, what you DO appreciate and cherish, and made it a life worth sharing. 

       I am reading the book ‘Cross Roads’ (The Shack)  by Paul Young.  The symbolism of our ‘inner garden landscape’ that we create in our life time really struck me.  Through life experiences we form what we believe is the TRUTH.  It may actually not be The Truth, but we believe this to be true. 

     Ideally one should, earlier in life, be aware as to what inner landscape we are creating. However,  the Autumn time of our lives is a blessing and opportunity to look within and clean up, make order (forgive), do a little bit of landscaping work.

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker, 072 1896951,

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za, www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Goedhartigheid - Die verjongingsfontein

Goedhartigheid – Die verjongingsfontein

Ons weet almal dat vriendelikheid en goedhartigheid goed is vir die ontanger.  Nou weet ons ook, deur navorsing, dat dit ook die gewer van goeie dade en goedhartigheid gelukkiger en gesonder maak, asook die simptome van swaarmoedigheid verlig.  Dit laat ons langer en gesonder lewe!

„Why Kindness is good for you“ deur Dr David R Hamilton bevat baie navorsing oor die tema.  As ons goedhartig optree word die ‘vagus nerve’ gestimuleer en oxytocin (bekend as die liefdeshormoon) word geproduseer.  Hierdie hormoon verminder angs dat ons uitgebuit word of mislei word en moedig ons aan tot meer vertroue in ons medemens.  Oxtytocin beskerm die kardio, ons slagare van verharding, bring bloeddruk af, open bloedvate, bevorder wondgenesing en nog baie meer. 

Vriendelikheid en goehartigheid is van uiterste belang vir ons as babas.  Nadat n kind gebore is word n deel van die brein nog gevorm.  Die deel (orbitofrontal cortex) vorm eers na geboorte en word beinvloed deur die sorg, liefde, vreugde, speel, sagheid en aandag van die hoofversorger.  Dit beinvloed die individu sodat hy/sy emosioneel goed aanpas in die samelewing en daartoe instaat is om verantwoordelike en volwasse keuses te maak.  Dankbaarheid, vergifnis, empatie en simpatie is ook goed vir ons en ook n deel van goedhartigheid!  Dit versterk ons immuunstelsel, verlig depressie en bevorder beter slaap.

Baie keer is empatie die begin punt van goedhartigheid.  Dit motiveer ons om te wil help.  Medelye versterk ook ons immuunstelsel.  Dit beskerm ons teen ‘stress’ en laat ons langer lewe.  Wetenskaplikes glo nou dat oud-word eintlik soos n siekte is.  Die liggaam is in staat om baie langer te lewe as wat ons gemiddeld leef.  Hulle glo dat inflammasie die grootste rede is hoekom ons oud word.  Stimulering van die ‚vagus nerve‘ het n anti-inflammatoriese werking in ons bloed stroom.  Deur dade van goedhartigheid, deur jou hart oop te maak en simpatie en empatie te voel vir ander, kielie jy hierdie senuwee en stimuleer jy die lewens-anti-inflammitasiewerking.  Dit is goed vir jou om vriendelik en goedhartig te wees!  „One act of kindness a day will keep the medical bills at bay“.

Hier volg sewe wenke van goeie dade, probeer dit: 

Skryf n dankie-kaartjie aan iemand en pos dit (nie sms of epos nie_

Bied aan om n oumens se inkopies te dra of in the kar te pak

Laat iemand voor jou in die tou in om te betaal

Gee iemand n kompliment

Bel iemand op sy verjaardag en SING vir die persoon

Koop n klein geskenkie vir iemand en verras hulle   Maak vrede met iemand

                           

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Stress Buster - Transcendental Meditation

The Stress Buster  -  Transcendental Meditation – Best find of 2012

My greatest discovery of 2012 was Transcendental Meditation(TM).  Many think this is a strange religious practise.  It is not.  Scientifically researched and validated – it is just a simple mind technique http: transcendentalmeditation.tminjoburg.co.za  The benefits are astounding.  

Ultimately TM is a world peace movement.  If each individual is at peace within – how can there be war? It is SO easy and SO simple!  It does not require you to accept any belief system or religion. It is for absolutely everyone – including children. 

Transcendental Meditation is a mental technique that teaches you how to reach a place of stillness – this is the ultimate rest – even more beneficial than sleep.

The experience of sinking into the weightlessness of stillness can only be known by experiencing it for yourself.  As a retired scuba instructor I can describe a similar feeling of diving in deep channels or the big blue  - as you descend in mid water – with little reference of reef, all you see is  blue water -  it is so still and so peaceful!

There is a weightlessness, a peace, a sense of awe and for me always a sense of wanting to stay longer than safe scuba diving would allow.  The beauty of seeing pelagic fish or a majestic manta ray or eagle ray cruising by, and if you are really fortunate a school of Hammerheads way-way below, making their way to the day time hangout, are life time memories.

By controlling your buoyancy and simply allowing the current to take you along – the lack of reference give you the feeling of stillness and tranquillity and weightlessness, you need to have experienced to truly relate to.

This is the place I have found again with the technique of TM.  Yet in this time of meditation, there is no need to be alert or to adhere to safety and airtime – here, I can simply sink into this deep restful state and allow my body and mind to destress.  Seinfeldt described TM as a ‘daily plug in for your battery recharge’.  Oprah has introduced TM as a daily practice in her ‘empire’!  Schools are adopting this practice and teaching kids to meditate.  Learning and concentration has improved beyond belief!  Brazil has committed to teach one million school children to meditate in 2013. The story goes on and on and on….. Oom Google will tell you much more!

It is for anyone and everyone – pls note:  there is no need to change your belief system or buy into any other – it is simply a mental technique that you need to learn in order to reap the benefits.  However, you will need to adhere to a daily practise – just as you need to maintain a healthy eating plan on a daily basis and exercise – it is not enough to learn the technique – you need to practise it.  

Courses can be arranged in Ermelo (min 8)  -  or you can participate at the next course at the centre in Houghton ,JHB.

Karin Engman    Life Coach and Motivational speaker    072 1896951  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za    www.karin-engman.blogspot.com