Transforming the Bitterness of the past

Transforming the Bitterness of the past            26 February 2013

(Unedited version)

My beautiful daughter, turning only 9 this year, asked me to tell her what it was like when I was her age.  I thank God everyday that she is so happy to go to school.  She includes her teacher and her friends in her gratitude prayer everyday!   My heart broke into a thousand pieces as I remembered that I was only one year older when my world, as I knew it, came crashing down.  Looking in from the outside I probably had a perfect life.  There was no money shortage ( at least in my grasp of things), my parents did not fight, I had many animal friends etc.  Primary school  was a complete nightmare for me and probably for most of the children attending this specific school.  In those days physical beatings occurred every day.  One boy, academically perhaps not the brightest, received brutal beatings almost daily.  The poor child was a blubbering mess to the extent that at times he wet himself.  I know my older brother (may he rest in peace) often spoke about the beatings he received.  He said that this cruel headmaster broke his spirit. I know he shattered mine…

Perhaps you did not receive beatings at school, perhaps you were bullied, perhaps you were neglected, or one of so many possibilities.  The experience of not being treated in the rightful, respectful and humane way, is certainly cause for bitterness.  Bitterness is represented in the Aura Soma Colour Care System by the colour OLIVE.  As the fresh green olive fruit taste very bitter – with time and submerged in olive oil and brine – this seemingly bitter fruit can be transformed into a delicacy. 

To go on a Journey (a form of therapy) and visit the past, bringing with you the perspective of what you know now, can be a truly healing and liberating experience.  When we realize that bitterness of the wrongs committed against us, surely only continues to bring us pain.  The perpetrator/s probably has no real grasp of the damage they have caused.  Hence the process of forgiveness is not condoning the behaviour but laying it down before God and letting it go! 

Olive brings the gift of:  “Letting go of the past bringing changes of perspective so that I may communicate through a loving and truthful heart”. Transforming the bitterness of the past into the sweetness of Spirit and bringing the gift of Hope and Peace.

Legend has it that when you are ready to let go of the Bitterness  – the Blue Heron will drop a feather on your path.  Blue represents PEACE .   Once we have forgiven we can make space for peace to fill our inner being.  With peace in our hearts, we can find that place of stillness/prayer, it is here that we are able to connect to God and also to our true self.

The challenge lies in developing self-reflective skills so that we no longer have the cloudy view of self-pity and poor self-worth , and instead take responsibility for what is happening in our life. Without this we miss all the wonderful opportunities life presents us.  Have courage to change/let go of that which no longer serves your best interest.  Appreciate the valuable lessons from past, but allow yourself to move forward and make space for new experiences.

May you find the Feather of the Blue Heron on your path and live in peace and harmony.

 Karin Engman     Motivational speaker            Life Coach      072 1896951

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za      www.karin-engman.blogspot.com    

Embracing Autumn

Embracing Autumn   19 February 2013   The Highveld Tribune  Ermelo

      This time of year on the Highveld is actually really beautiful.  The days become milder and the light takes on a softer glow. The change in colour of the leaves into the magnificence of gold, orange and yellow, is a sight to behold. Take a drive down Voortrekker road (Ermelo) in April and allow the beauty of Autumn to lift your spirits.  

      In the past, with my personality type,  I would dread what is coming instead of enjoying what is now. It has been a great learning curve for me to unlearn that which comes naturally to most. Life presents us with much opportunity to focus on the bad instead of on the beautiful.

      At this time of my life (50), with my parents in the autumn (in my opinion 65 – 80) of their lives, that I reflect in gratitude on my life so far. I give thanks to God for giving me the opportunity to learn and prepare for my eventual old age. I believe parents are chosen by God to teach that, which is most important.  Through my parents, I have learnt life lessons that have brought me to my present life of true happiness.   My parents certainly are not perfect, and nor am I. Essentially we are all human beings who make mistakes and behave in less than perfect ways. 

       Autumn gives us the opportunity to make preparations for the inevitable Winter.  In Ermelo we stock up with wood, we clean the fireplace chimney and unpack the Winter clothing. As with the cycles of nature, the cycle of life brings the unavoidable challenges of age.  God willing, in our Autumn years, most are still physically able to take care of themselves and be independent.  This is the time to reflect, complete, forgive and let go, so that we can make space for the time to become still in appreciation for however much time is still gifted to us by God.

       It is my wish, when I am older, that I will be able to look with gratitude for what I did have, for what I did experience, instead of all the imperfections/mistakes of my life.  We can choose the life attitude we live by. Even if many daily experiences are frustrating, and irritating, we can still choose to NOT get stuck there, shift our gaze and find that which is inspiring and beautiful. 

      Some life partners are blessed and have the privilege of growing old together.  This brings opportunities to reach a place of peace with each other, find acceptance of what is and what was.  To forgive each other,  for all the failures and short comings.  To forgive each other,  for all the disappointments and wrong doing.  Forgiveness sets us free!

       Letting go of the less than perfect aspects and instead, remember all the wonderful times, the achievements and the blessings that life did bring. Perhaps remember and tell the other, what you DO appreciate and cherish, and made it a life worth sharing. 

       I am reading the book ‘Cross Roads’ (The Shack)  by Paul Young.  The symbolism of our ‘inner garden landscape’ that we create in our life time really struck me.  Through life experiences we form what we believe is the TRUTH.  It may actually not be The Truth, but we believe this to be true. 

     Ideally one should, earlier in life, be aware as to what inner landscape we are creating. However,  the Autumn time of our lives is a blessing and opportunity to look within and clean up, make order (forgive), do a little bit of landscaping work.

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker, 072 1896951,

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za, www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Goedhartigheid - Die verjongingsfontein

Goedhartigheid – Die verjongingsfontein

Ons weet almal dat vriendelikheid en goedhartigheid goed is vir die ontanger.  Nou weet ons ook, deur navorsing, dat dit ook die gewer van goeie dade en goedhartigheid gelukkiger en gesonder maak, asook die simptome van swaarmoedigheid verlig.  Dit laat ons langer en gesonder lewe!

„Why Kindness is good for you“ deur Dr David R Hamilton bevat baie navorsing oor die tema.  As ons goedhartig optree word die ‘vagus nerve’ gestimuleer en oxytocin (bekend as die liefdeshormoon) word geproduseer.  Hierdie hormoon verminder angs dat ons uitgebuit word of mislei word en moedig ons aan tot meer vertroue in ons medemens.  Oxtytocin beskerm die kardio, ons slagare van verharding, bring bloeddruk af, open bloedvate, bevorder wondgenesing en nog baie meer. 

Vriendelikheid en goehartigheid is van uiterste belang vir ons as babas.  Nadat n kind gebore is word n deel van die brein nog gevorm.  Die deel (orbitofrontal cortex) vorm eers na geboorte en word beinvloed deur die sorg, liefde, vreugde, speel, sagheid en aandag van die hoofversorger.  Dit beinvloed die individu sodat hy/sy emosioneel goed aanpas in die samelewing en daartoe instaat is om verantwoordelike en volwasse keuses te maak.  Dankbaarheid, vergifnis, empatie en simpatie is ook goed vir ons en ook n deel van goedhartigheid!  Dit versterk ons immuunstelsel, verlig depressie en bevorder beter slaap.

Baie keer is empatie die begin punt van goedhartigheid.  Dit motiveer ons om te wil help.  Medelye versterk ook ons immuunstelsel.  Dit beskerm ons teen ‘stress’ en laat ons langer lewe.  Wetenskaplikes glo nou dat oud-word eintlik soos n siekte is.  Die liggaam is in staat om baie langer te lewe as wat ons gemiddeld leef.  Hulle glo dat inflammasie die grootste rede is hoekom ons oud word.  Stimulering van die ‚vagus nerve‘ het n anti-inflammatoriese werking in ons bloed stroom.  Deur dade van goedhartigheid, deur jou hart oop te maak en simpatie en empatie te voel vir ander, kielie jy hierdie senuwee en stimuleer jy die lewens-anti-inflammitasiewerking.  Dit is goed vir jou om vriendelik en goedhartig te wees!  „One act of kindness a day will keep the medical bills at bay“.

Hier volg sewe wenke van goeie dade, probeer dit: 

Skryf n dankie-kaartjie aan iemand en pos dit (nie sms of epos nie_

Bied aan om n oumens se inkopies te dra of in the kar te pak

Laat iemand voor jou in die tou in om te betaal

Gee iemand n kompliment

Bel iemand op sy verjaardag en SING vir die persoon

Koop n klein geskenkie vir iemand en verras hulle   Maak vrede met iemand

                           

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Stress Buster - Transcendental Meditation

The Stress Buster  -  Transcendental Meditation – Best find of 2012

My greatest discovery of 2012 was Transcendental Meditation(TM).  Many think this is a strange religious practise.  It is not.  Scientifically researched and validated – it is just a simple mind technique http: transcendentalmeditation.tminjoburg.co.za  The benefits are astounding.  

Ultimately TM is a world peace movement.  If each individual is at peace within – how can there be war? It is SO easy and SO simple!  It does not require you to accept any belief system or religion. It is for absolutely everyone – including children. 

Transcendental Meditation is a mental technique that teaches you how to reach a place of stillness – this is the ultimate rest – even more beneficial than sleep.

The experience of sinking into the weightlessness of stillness can only be known by experiencing it for yourself.  As a retired scuba instructor I can describe a similar feeling of diving in deep channels or the big blue  - as you descend in mid water – with little reference of reef, all you see is  blue water -  it is so still and so peaceful!

There is a weightlessness, a peace, a sense of awe and for me always a sense of wanting to stay longer than safe scuba diving would allow.  The beauty of seeing pelagic fish or a majestic manta ray or eagle ray cruising by, and if you are really fortunate a school of Hammerheads way-way below, making their way to the day time hangout, are life time memories.

By controlling your buoyancy and simply allowing the current to take you along – the lack of reference give you the feeling of stillness and tranquillity and weightlessness, you need to have experienced to truly relate to.

This is the place I have found again with the technique of TM.  Yet in this time of meditation, there is no need to be alert or to adhere to safety and airtime – here, I can simply sink into this deep restful state and allow my body and mind to destress.  Seinfeldt described TM as a ‘daily plug in for your battery recharge’.  Oprah has introduced TM as a daily practice in her ‘empire’!  Schools are adopting this practice and teaching kids to meditate.  Learning and concentration has improved beyond belief!  Brazil has committed to teach one million school children to meditate in 2013. The story goes on and on and on….. Oom Google will tell you much more!

It is for anyone and everyone – pls note:  there is no need to change your belief system or buy into any other – it is simply a mental technique that you need to learn in order to reap the benefits.  However, you will need to adhere to a daily practise – just as you need to maintain a healthy eating plan on a daily basis and exercise – it is not enough to learn the technique – you need to practise it.  

Courses can be arranged in Ermelo (min 8)  -  or you can participate at the next course at the centre in Houghton ,JHB.

Karin Engman    Life Coach and Motivational speaker    072 1896951  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za    www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

The Garden of the Heart

The Garden of the Heart

                 

I was recently reminded of the term ‘festive season blues’.  For many this time of year brings feelings of melancholy, missing loved ones, disappointment of the year’s intended goals and also financial pressure.

   We all have challenges to do with not being good enough or the lack of self-worth.  This can be highlighted when we think that we don’t have enough – feelings of poverty (each in his/her own experience) – overwhelming requirements of the ‘season for giving’ or the expected family holiday or expense of long distance travel.  The perception that ‘others’ have such an easy life, because they have so much more materialistically speaking, invites the envy creeping into our heart.  Responsibility to provide and give our loved ones all they wish for, can be a heavy burden.

   As we near the end of 2012 with all the different predictions, it  is obvious that the world as we know it is changing.  Putting aside that this time has long been predicted – the reality is that mother earth is under severe pressure and change needs to happen sooner rather than later.  We need to reassess our values and what it is that we are really pursuing and to comprehend our individual impact on the earth.  We will all need to adapt, change and take responsibility to do our part in uplifting and contributing, no matter how insignificant it may seem.  This time of year is the perfect opportunity to re-evaluate ourselves and our lives. What are we pursuing?  Is this what we really want?  Is the chase really worth it?  Do you want to do the same again next year?

   In our re-evaluation, we need to deepen our relationship with God and find the trust and realisation that ultimately we are not in control.  We need to do what is required of us to the best of our ability and then allow God…  Create a space of peace within the Garden of your Heart.  It is only from this place of quietness that we know what we need to know so that we can do what we need to do.

   May I take this opportunity to thank you, the reader, for taking the time to read this column and for your kind words of encouragement, and wish you all a blessed Festive Holiday Season.  It is my wish and hope for each one to be able to look back on 2012 and find much to be grateful for and to find that which you deserve a pat on the back for what you did achieve and that which you are proud of!

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker, 072 189 6951, thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za, www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

A Plus inside a circle of brotherhood

A Plus inside a circle of brotherhood

 

During my recent visit to a local hair dressing salon, part of the conversation was related to a daughter’s impending marriage to an English speaking, much liked and also approved of, young man.  A comment by the mother of the bride, gave me some food for thought.  She was of the opinion that the English had far less ‘baggage’ than the Afrikaners.  Hence this groom to be seemed so ‘easy going and uncomplicated’.  Be that as it may – it got me thinking…       Culturally you could probably find reasons for ‘baggage’ if you went back far enough in history, with every nation under the sun.  I myself, being of German heritage, was taught at the German High School I attended (strictly one teacher related), that it was expected of us to feel guilt (for the rest of our lives) about the crimes committed against humanity by the Germans, in the second world war.  To aggravate matters my ‘clan’ (South African German Speaking) supported Hitler’s efforts.  As though this burden was not enough, I also am a white South African born in the early sixties.  Once I grasped the horrors of apartheid, I should as a white person, carry guilt towards the wrong doings of this regime?  My burden of guilt simply by birth, was getting to back breaking proportions.  Hence, for many years, I adopted the, “I could care less about the sins of my father’s and my father’s father’s,” attitude, which needless to say, is of course impossible!

   I back packed through Europe in the mid-eighties and noticed very soon how unpopular a South African pink skin was.  So much so, that a rather large intimidating African American scared the living daylights out of me in Pamplona, yelling unprintable abuse at me and then spitting a spectacular specimen at my feet.  In self-preservation, I adopted an Australian accent and repertoire post haste, until I met a ‘pack’ of big South Africans and attached myself to them as travel companions.

   Simply by factor of heritage – much of any history has the makings of baggage.  Mostly this heavy sack ends up being filled with anger towards a perceived perpetrator.  To flounder around in a mud pool of accusations brings nothing worthwhile except perhaps the mineral benefits for your complexion.  There comes a time when you need to step out of that mess, clean yourself up, take responsibility for your part in it and start contributing instead of waiting for the pay-out for all the wrongs committed against you.  “Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred,” Martin Luther King Jr.  A recent gift I received epitomizes this gesture of making peace with the past and also embracing life now - it is large plate with writing in a plus sign format (vertical and horizontal), it reads: “This plate symbolises an offering or a gift.  It holds the food, love, protection, nourishment, sacrifices and care a parent, leader, host or lover offers another.  The even-sided cross symbolises a meeting place, a crossing of paths or a sacred gathering, an event or location where people feast, celebrate, mourn, reminisce or worship together.  A ‘CROSS INSIDE A CIRCLE’ symbolises prosperity and a long life.  It is also the traditional and scientific symbol for Planet Earth.  The Gift of the connection from God to earth and then across human to human is a requirement of survival.  Without the ‘above to below’ it would only be a minus sign – let us all try to rather be a plus factor in our life/society/earth.  “We have learned to fly the air like birds and swim the sea like fish, but we have not learned the simple art of living together as brothers,” Martin Luther King Jr.

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker Ermelo, 072 1896951, 

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za,  www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

My true Purpose

My true purpose   27^th November 2012

When we finally let go of the Utopian Idealism that is created in our minds as to ‘in a perfect world’ and instead look into our innermost depths with clarity and eyes wide open - we find a treasure chest of insights and the possibilities of finding our true life purpose.

   To realise that we no longer need to wait for our life purpose to reveal itself, nor do we need to wait for everything around us to be perfectly in place, because it already is.  The only missing link is, that we need to actually participate in THIS day and in THIS moment.  The spark of recognition ignites as we grasp that all this time I have been standing in my own way of living my true potential.  The delay of waiting and waiting for the right time, if only this or that, then I can do what I am meant to do, which results in a lifetime of waiting.  The time is now – Start today!  Very few of us become all of who we are meant to be in one miraculous flash – for most of us it is a slow uncovering and developing of our true potential and purpose.  There has to be a starting point and there has to be the YES from me.  Nobody can do this for us – we have to put in the efforts required, to water the seeds that have been lying dormant.  Nurturing ourselves as we grow, until we eventually blossom into our true potential.  To say YES to yourself and your true VALUES brings with it a spiritual peace that settles all the anxieties within.  Knowing that I am in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing.  Then we are truly fully alive!  This life enthusiasm filters through to all areas in our lives.  “Die huppel is terug in jou stap!”  The possibilities are endless – this is only the beginning, if you allow it to be.

Karin Engman, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker Ermelo, 072 724 6985, thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za   www.karin-engman.blogspot.com