Wish upon a Star

Wish upon a Star  - published 28^th August 2012

On my SABATICAL in the early 90’s I worked and lived as a Scuba Diving Instructor all over the world.  It may seem to be a carefree life to some, but in all honesty, most of the people in this kind of lifestyle are wounded souls. I packed up my life in South Africa and enrolled in a 6 month Scuba Instructor training program on the East Coast of Australia.  It was a relief to know that the “tannie” factor did not apply in Oz as I was much older than most of the students!

I worked on a live aboard sail boat as the cook and cleaner to earn extra money during my training.  In my “search” for the meaning of life and making sense of my life situation, I spent many hours gazing at the stars. At the time I was painfully disillusioned with Life. Anchored off one of the Whitsundays Islands on the East Coast, with no interfering electric lights, I reconnected with God. Feeling like a speck of dust yet certain that God knows ‘Little’ me, was a truly spiritual experience.  Gazing at the night sky is still one of my favourite things to do. Shooting Stars to be wished upon – and twinkle-twinkle dreams to be dreamed.

Nothing remains stagnant in Life except dirty pools of water!  Change is constant and change can be very beneficial.  The challenge is NOT to go into FEAR of change, but to embrace it.  Sometimes it is hard to say good-bye to the old and to let go of things that have become familiar.  Our OLD habits can actually weight us down and no longer serve our best interest.  Remember, if we do not let go of the OLD there is no room for the NEW. We all need some personal ‘spring cleaning’ from time to time. 

Once you have done what you need to do to facilitate the unfolding of your dream – then you need to LET GO AND LET GOD. Then, we can finally stop waiting...........and SIMPLY LIVE! Live TODAY – if we wait for everything to be right – we will spend our entire life waiting............we need to have FAITH and TRUST and then JUST LIVE!

Just for today let go of your impatience.  Just for today let go of your angry thoughts.  Just for today try to smile at a stranger.  Just for today do something without reward. Just for today...........

We do not need to understand or know all the answers. When we try to control the outcome we tend to mostly get in the way – knowing that we are NOT ‘in charge’ - takes a lot of pressure off – we turn our faces up, breath and allow God. 

IF YOU GIVE YOUR ALL THEN YOU HAVE ALREADY WON!

Karin Engman      Life Coach     Motivational Speaking       
For appointments:  072 1896951      Ermelo 

For Comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Changing Gears - Verwissel van Rat

Verwissel van rat – maak n verandering! (Changing Gears)

Om elke dag in die selfde roetiene te wees maak die Lewe tog so vervelig. Dis amper asof ons vashaak!  Om IETS n bietjie anders te doen is eintlik nie baie moeilik nie.  Ons is meeste van die tyd  net gewoonte gebonde.  n Klein daaglikse taak soos tande borsel met jou ander hand – is al n klein manier om jou gewoonte gebonde brein te oorreed om verandering in jou daaglikse lewe toe te laat en te aanvaar. Dit verg nog steeds n gewilligheid om  te verander en nie te wag dat todat ANDER mense verander nie.  As ons ongelukkig voel, is dit nodig om bereid te wees om veranderings  te implimenteer, al is dit ook ooenskynlik onbelangrik of minimaal.

Jy sal nie weet dat jy iets kan verander in jou lewe as jy dit nie prober nie!  Dit kan beteken dat dit noodsaaklik is om uit ons gemaksone te tree en die risiko te nee mom iets heeltemal anders te probeer. Dit is altyd ons keuse om weer terug te gaan na die ou gewoontes – maar wie weet – miskien hou ons van die verandering in plaas van die groef waar ons was? 

Snaaks dat ons liewer in DIE gewoontes bly wat ons ken, al maak dit ons ongemaklik en ongelukkig.  Ons praat baie en kla baie, maar volgende jaar kyk ons terug en is nog steeds in die selfde situasie. Ons omstandighede wat ons ongelukking maak egin om te klink soos n plaat wat vas gehaak het.  Ja nou gee ek my ouderdom weg – miskien is dit deesdae soos jou selfoon of rekenaar wat vries? Dan sit ons magteloos daar met die stand van sake en sink ons net dieper in ons ellende terwyl ons wag dat ander mense verander? 

Die moontlikheid bestaan dat eindlik iets baie opwindend en nuut op ons wag as ons dit net waag om die stap te neem. Angs is n baie sterk emosie en die redenasie van negatiewe gevolge kan ons baie keer oorreed om liewer by die ou gewoontes en lewenswyse te bly, al is ons diep ongelukkig.

Veranderings kan aan die begin n bietjie ongemaklik en vreemd voel.  As ons onself toelaat om die opwindende gevoel van verandering te geniet sal die Angs begin verminders.  Binne n kort tyd sal ons nie eers glo dat ons so lank gewag het om DIE stap te neem nie.  Niemand anders kan dit vir jou doen nie. Jy moet die besluit self neem en dan RATTE VERANDER.  Jy kan n rat op gaan en jou pas n bitjie versnel of n rat af gaan en sodoende spoed verminder om meer gemaklik te ‘cruise’.

Sodra die ‘nuwe’ gevoel van lewenslus begin om in jou binneste te ontdooi – kan ons begin ontspan en die self- vertroue en self versekerheid te laat blom.  Later kan ons terug kyk en die vordering in ons lewe met trots en nuwe lewensmoed verwelkom. 

Soos Walt Disney gese het:  “As jy dit kan droom, dan kan jy dit doen”

Maak n klein verandering in jou lewe vandag en kyk wat gebeur!

Karin Engman        Life Coach  & Motivational speaker    074 1896951 (Ermelo)

Comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Oscars to all the Great Pretenders

Oscars to all the Great Pretenders – published 14/8/12

Life requires a little pretence in various situations – we need to have some brain to mouth filters in place in order to keep some resemblances of civilized behaviour.  You cannot simply speak your mind as the thought enters your head – that would be chaotic.  I know some people who seem to have very limited filters in place and spend a lot of time apologizing or eventually growing rhino skin and simply not caring.  This is not the pretence I am so intrigued by.

I have watched married couples pretend, at least publicly, to the extent that I would award scars to both parties.  Personally I wish I had a little more ability to put up the perfect front.  As the saying goes: “Smile and wave boys, smile and wave”.  You could say that I wear my heart on my sleeve – probably often to my own detriment – but that is who I am.  To pretend takes all my maturity liquidized and squeezed into a tube and literally holding onto the lid to keep it contained.  In certain instances, i.e. Family, it is required – for the sake of peace.  Although I am sure that I am perfectly transparent.

I recently experienced the real deal of “between a rock and a hard place” To call this situation the “GREAT PRETENCE” of all recent times, felt like an understatement.

How many people live a daily life of Pretence?  How deep does DENIAL of the TRUTH go?  Eventually it seems that it cultivates an ability to bypass reality and exist on what is perceived as wishful thinking or is it survival?  For the sake of the children.  For the sake of financial implications.  For the sake of the parents.  For the sake of the society.  For the sake of work/career.  For the sake of WHAT?

The price seems awfully high – being in a constant state of STRESS and ANXIETY is a sure recipe for ILLNESS.  A constant state of FEAR manifests in FURY AND ANGER.  How can anyone survive when you have to keep up this PRETENCE?  Emotionally and Spiritually you must surely eventually DIE.  To be physically alive can only be the SHELL of who you are, the real YOU cannot exist in this space.

There are no winners in THE GAME OF THE GREAT PRETENTER, only LOOSERS.  Everyone loses – the children, the parents, the friends and MOST IMPORTANTLY by keeping up the PRETENCE you will have to give up YOU!

God did not make a mistake when he created you, YOU are meant to be YOU!

Dan Millman quotes: “If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever.  Your mind is your predicament.  It wants to be free of change.  Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death, but change is law, and no amount of PRENTENDING will alter that reality.

Karin Engman

www.karin-blogspot.com

Educated Risk

   

Educated Risk or Life Long Remorse – published 7^th August 2012

Last week, driving home, I stopped at the Post Office intersection, the traffic light turned green for me.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement   (or was it my guardian angel tapping on my shoulder?). I turned to look, just in time, to see a bakkie coming towards me, with obviously no intention to stop.  He drove straight through what was a red light for him. The collision would not have been my fault – yet the injury severe or even fatal. What if  - What if – What if? We can all be slightly distracted while driving, especially with children in the car –  even if you are the worlds’ most careful driver?

 S P E E D!!!  CELL PHONES!!! ARE YOUR CHILDREN WEARING SEAT BELTS????

 Google:  “crash test children”

Ermelo must rate RIGHT UP THERE with lawless Drivers of South Africa and the main culprit is SPEED and CELL PHONES.

We have just spent a month in Sweden (yes, I am married to the Viking who came riding over the hill….). It always takes a few weeks for me to come to terms with the FEAR of driving in this country. It is in my humble opinion, that it’s not the lack of education or economy – it is a simple matter of ENFORCEMENT. South Africans believe the law applies to OTHER people – THEM.  Swedes know that there is simply no point in speeding, drinking and driving, and they stop at a STOP sign – violation of that seemingly silly law can cost your license. It is after all a STOP sign and not a YIELD.  Some hurried and impatient drivers I meet on the way to school, barely slow down, in fact I worry that I am going to get rear ended because I stop! Yielding seems to be the order of the day – since you can see there is no car coming anyway…..

This is one of a number of lawlessness aspects of South Africa requiring me to return to my balance sheet pinned to my VISION board in the office.

REASONS  I  STAY IN SOUTH AFRICA!  1.  Blue Sky    2.   Sun shine     3. Family   4.  African Blood in my Veins  5. Lifestyle and many many more reasons…….                              – allow me to digress.….. In Sweden they have these little automated lawnmowers in every second garden, the size of our vacuum cleaners. This machine runs around the garden cutting the lawn, day and night, rain or shine.  It has an under-cover charger – which it returns to when the battery runs low.  It is SO common that you have road signs everywhere, warning motorists of possible escaped lawnmowers roaming the streets.  Anyway – I think I prefer Jabu – he is a faithful soul, always smiles and he chops firewood and prunes the roses. My father-in-law (zero English) even sent greetings to Jabu on our departure…..Yes, we are here to stay! The lawless driving concerns me very much - I fear mostly for the children.  Adults seem to wear safety belts and have airbags to protect on impact – WHAT IS PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN?????? Educated people driving fancy cars with up to three of their precious children not strapped in!  I beg you – think about what risk you are taking. Even driving two blocks – all it takes is one speeding driver who misses that red light!!

Personally I have had two near death experiences – one by a Sand Truck coming at me at high speed with the drivers attention on his phone, looking up in the nick of time – I wobbled for the rest of the day, and spent a few days contemplating how it would be for my eight year old daughter to grow up without her mom.  Another incident, a big expensive vehicle drove straight through a stop street, missing me narrowly.

ARE YOUR CHILDREN WEARING SEAT BELTS????????

Unfortunately the Human race does not comply with the LAW because it is the right thing to do.  I have also experienced the law abiding Australian culture – “WHY” you ask, do some cultures abide by the law?  Because the consequences are serious – and they are ENFORCED!  For some reason we seem to think that the rules apply to others because I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING? Sound familiar?????? OR…… “THEY” all do it – so why shouldn’t I?

Today I APPEAL to all of you that have the privilege of transporting children.  Please, PLEASE – if for no other reason, imagine the remorse and the pain and the guilt if your children or God forbid your friends’ children are in your car without safety belts in a collision. Do not let this become a LIFE REGRET.

This is NOT about your driving skills or how careful you are – this is about the other person skipping a stop street or a red traffic light and colliding with you and your children. It is called and ACCIDENT – it does not need to be your fault.  NOBODY is EXEMPT – it does not matter how educated or rich you are OR NOT – the percentages in this country are one of the highest in the world.  YOU CAN NOT IGNORE IT! 

The links below are proof of what happens to children in a car at 30mph –  now I ask you – how many people drive within speed limits?  The car that nearly collided with you – was that at 30mph????? THIRTY MILES PER HOUR – that is about 50 km per hour – BELOW speed limit.

http://youtu.be/K6tsgzFvVI0

 http://www.youtube.com/embed/9CsUSTWjtHQ

By the GRACE of GOD THERE GO I   -  

I bought a wood carving in Sweden that says:  “Don’t live faster than what your Guardian Angel can fly”

LIFE IS GOD’S GIFT TO YOU – how you CHOOSE to Live it is your GIFT TO GOD

Karin Engman        Loss & Trauma Councelling          

Bioscience Centre   Ermelo     072 1896951

Comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.zas

Living my Best Life

Living my best life    -  published 31 July 2012

In my early-twenties, a career counselor asked me what my five year Life/Career plan was. In later years, I heard this question repeated many a time. I recall even on dates asking where I was planning to be in five years time….

Some are fortunate and know exactly what they want to do and with clear focus move towards their goal post.  I was not a person with a calling THEN. In hindsight, I probably resembled a leaf fluttering in the wind, often changing life/career directions.

It was only recently that I had the confirmation from one of my ‘teachers’ that a time frame on goals was setting yourself up for potential failure.

Dreams and goals are to be encouraged, providing you can accept that these can change as you grow as a person or your life circumstances change. Changing a goal or letting go of a dream, does not mean failure.

           

How do we KNOW what is simply pie in the sky, or actually possible, when we decide to pursue our DREAM LIFE?

I came across a book by BOB GREENE “Living my best Life”.

The five points are quoted from his book – the interpretation is my personal view:

1)   Build a REALISTIC vision of your Life.

Literally see yourself in your DREAM life in 3D.

All the details, in full colour, REALISTICALLY.

See the house, see the office, the signage of your business, the car, the spouse, the children the dog and the picket fence

2)   Do a WORTHINESS check – as you go through all the details of your VISION – feel what happens to your body.  Does your body give you excitement confirmation of this possibility or does your body tell you clearly that this does NOT fit/feel right.  Be honest with yourself – DO I believe I deserve to have this? Be sure to get a clear YES.

3)   Identify the BARRIERS (not the excuses)

e.g.  discomfort/pain = break through these

What will hold me back from living this life? Am I willing to put in the required effort?  Physical or otherwise -

If this life will make me uncomfortable – examine this.

If this life will cause me/or my loved ones, pain – identify this. Living this life needs to be ECOLOGICAL.

4)   Making TOUGH CHOICES

You might need to let go of your current job or relationship. This step is the hardest part for most.  To stay in a relationship/work even if it makes me miserable, instead of facing/risking the unknown, is really TOUGH. It is in this frame of mind that we need to get out of our heads and listen to our hearts.  The voice in your head will talk you out of it, if you stay in your head.  The ‘knowing’ in your heart, is what will guide you, as to what is the right choice for you.

Stay true and completely honest with yourself.

5)   Put YOURSELF FIRST (get the support you need)

Most of us have been raised to do the opposite. We consider everyone else and the expectations of family and society in our choices.  In order to Live you Best Life, you need to be your own best friend.  You will be able to give so much more to all those that need you, as you can be the BEST of who you can BE. Very few can do this without support.  Look around your life and notice who has been there throughout.  You might be surprised to realize that people who love you, have been waiting for you to finally find the courage to Live the Life you know you are meant to LIVE.

 Karin Engman     LIFE COACH (NLP Practitioner)     Bioscience  Centre    Ermelo  082 7246985

Comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Healing the Wounds    Published 24 July 2012

My only true ambition as a young girl was to find my prince in shining armour and live happily ever after….. Today I know that happiness comes from within.  Without the serenity of wholeness as a person, a Brad Pitt or Cinderella of your wildest dreams could come along, kneel in front of you and pledge it all – to absolutely no avail.

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to have it all, yet are completely miserable and sad?

Most would, probably rightly so, deem that I grew up privileged.  My parents starting with very little, working for my grandparents in a general dealer store in a town similar to “Fried Green Tomatoes”. Yet, I have not known what it is to be hungry and do not recall ever wanting for anything.    

Many things happen to innocent people and such is Life. In comparison to some horrors of the world, my story is certainly insignificant.  Today it is my life passion to help others heal life experiences and live the best life possible.

My carefree childhood ended during my fifth Grade at the hands of the school principal. In the early 70’s most parents did not know what a Paedophile was and therefore did not see the warning signs. I know that he was recognized, perhaps not as a Paedophile as such and was warned by members of the community, before my time, yet he certainly continued with his behaviour.

Today it is well documented that many children are subjected to abuse.  As it is mostly family members or known people to the child, it often goes unreported. Especially if there is no physical tell-tale signs, the child would be embarrassed or intimidated or as in my case, think it is simply what school principals do.

Today, I thank Oprah Winfrey for speaking out about her own abuse as a young girl and lifting the veil of shame that goes with that. 

Over a period of three years, this most highly respected School Principal inappropriately fondled me and two other girls in my class. This took place in full view of all my class mates and I felt powerless to do anything. Even though I had zero sexual education at the time, I instinctively knew this to be wrong.

I was not the only one – it seemed that he ‘chose’ three girls in each class from grade 5 to 7 to be his ‘pets’ so to speak. I remember noticing that his breathing changed. The hair on the back of my  neck would rise up and the nausea would start.  Even though it would be deemed a ‘mild’ form of sexual intended caressing - from holding a hand and rubbing it while teaching, to massaging the neck or even going as far as touching the breast area.

I knew this was not ok and literally quivered in my seat.  At the same time this teacher instilled immense fear by beating anyone who displeased him with a wooden polished compass, me included.  One boy lost control of his bladder during such a beating – that was in grade 7!  

I feared going to school and was often sick and also started biting my nails.  Yet another cause for punishment. Needless to say, this did nothing to abate the attack on my defenceless fingernails!

In later years, once I knew what he had done, the anger started to surface.  I used to fantasize about seeing him crossing the road and running him down with the car, in the local town.  I would think about ways to torture him in punishment for all the children he hurt. I dreamt about exposure and legal suits….. Anger is a very destructive emotion – to self and all those close to you. Anger will eventually make you sick.

With the Grace of God and the right teachers at the right time – I learnt what I needed, to gain perspective and understanding, to forgive, to let go and to allow the healing to take place. It took effort and willingness to work through it -

I am a real example of the possibilities of becoming a whole person again.  With healing comes freedom to grow up and be a woman and wife and a mother.  Without this you may stay stuck and be unable to have the fulfilling loving relationship we all wish and hope for.

Only when we are able to move past our injuries and become whole – can we finally find and gain that sense of PEACE and CONTENTMENT that is born of understanding and FORGIVENESS.

It is in this place that the “Knight in Shining Armour” can finally come galloping over the hill ….. with his Viking Helmet firmly in place…..

Karin Engman          Bioscience Centre  

Abuse Counselling 017 811 1136

Comments:  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

Blog:  www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Prioriteite

Lewens  Prioriteite           Published    Highveld Tribune                       17July  2012                                                                                                                          

In my onlangse verlies van my geliefde Broer, het ek  geleer dat ons nie iets belangriks  kan afstel vir n later, meer passende tyd nie.  Om the wag todat alles beter pas en minder ‘upheaval’ sal veroorsaak is ongelukkig baie keer te laat of word later n LEWENS BEROU.

n Tiepise Berou:  “Ek wens in plaas van materialistiese en egotistical  doelwitte te jaag,  het ek liewer meer tyd met my kinders en my familie  en vriende  spandeer”.  Is dit nie eienaardig dat ons dink die wat ons die meeste liefhet, ons die minste hoef te wys of the se dat ons hulle lief het?  Ons verwag dat hulle dit weet. Niemand kan jou gedagtes lees nie, maak nie saak hoe goed hulle jou ken nie.  Ons is almal behoeftig om die WOORDE te hoor en die bewys van LIEFDE te sien in DADE.  

Soos die gesegte se:  VAN UITSTEL KOM AFSTEL

“as my kinder eers volwasse is dan …….”

“as ek eers in a beter finansiele plek is dan …..”

“ as ek eers 20kg ligter is dan …..”

“in die Somer  sal ek weer begin oefen en  gesonder eet  ….”

“as ons eers verhuis het dan ….”

“as my ouers/skoonouers nie meer lewe nie dan …..”

Wees bewus van die boodskap wat jy uitstuur met jou PRIORITEIT keuses.  Die lewe is gejaagd en vol stress – kommunikeer jou keuses met jou geliefdes.  Wees seker hulle verstaan dat dit noodsaaklik is om lang ure te werk ens.  Onthou, kinders kyk jou diep in jou oe en weet of jy die waarheid praat! Kinders lees van baie kleins af die uitdrukking op jou gesig – is jy BLY om hulle te sien of NIE?

My eie(jongtyd) lewens storie is n hartseer verhaal van herhaaldilike gebeurtenisse wat my oortuig het dat ek vir seker nie n PRIORITEIT was nie.  En so het ek my verwagtings uitgeleef met baie onnodige ongelukkige jare.  Wat ons as kinders glo, is nie noodwendig die waarheid nie – maar sonder die ‘toolbox’ van lewens ervaring, kan dit n halwe lewenstyd vat voordat ons dit uiteindelik verstaan en glo.

Hulle se dat ons grootste Lewens Lesse Skatte Kas in ons Familie le.  Jy kies jou vriende maar word deur God jou Familie toe ge-eien . Juis die persone wat ons die meeste irriteer of kwaad maak of teleurstel, is juis die wat ons die mees belangrikste lesse leer.  Ons kan steeds kies om ons af te sny van Familie, en so dan die bree pad kies in plaas van die noue pad waar ons GROEI  en later ontluik in die kosbare Blom wat ons bedoel is om te wees. In plaas van om die familie lid te haat en te vermy – word ons aangemoedig om hulle stillens te bedank…..( Daar word gese dat mens nie iemand moet oordeel weens hulle familie nie… J) As jy suksesful wees in die lewe moet jy blom waar ookal jy geplant word!  

Die bootskap wat ons aan juis die mense wat vir ons belangrik is en vir wie ons die liefste is, word in ons PRIOTITEITE keuses die seerste gemaak.  Dit is meestal nie so bedoel nie,maar die boodskap wat ons deur ons keuses uitstuur, maak DIEP seer.

n Kind wat ouers se aandag SO nodig het en dit nie kry nie – maak self die afleiding van minder belangrik en “not worthy of time = not worthy of love” Die Boodskap van Prioriteite word in klein gedeeltes uit gestuur – en met herhaling, elke keer beklemtoon.

“When counting your blessings, count your loved ones twice”.

Trauma/anxiety Councelling          Karin Engman      Bioscience Centre Ermelo
017 8111136     thehummingbird@v odamail.co.za    www.karin-engman.blogspot.com