The Illusion of Happiness 23 July 2013

The Illusion of Happiness  23 July 2013  

Will winning the Lottery make you happy?  Research shows that it would only be short lived.  Even if we don’t manage to blow it all – we return to our  previous level of happiness/unhappiness sooner rather than later.  Do you see a situation as a ‘problem’ or do you see an ‘opportunity’? This is the ground work of possibilities for real happiness.  The norm seems to be the waiting game: “ if only….then I will be happy”  The greatest percentage of people think they would be happy if money was not an issue, and yes, it would certainly make life much easier.  It is obviously easier to be rich and unhappy than to be poor and unhappy.  Regardless of your financial status, the inability to find enthusiasm towards life and have thoughts of not being alive has very little to do with your bank account.   As Dr Deepak Chopra eloquently puts it:  research shows Happy and Joyful individuals come from a place of strength.  They will make better life choices and hence be healthier, have better relationships and be more successful.

   So then how do we find this ‘happiness’?  The first step: life attitude : problem/opportunity. It is our decision.  The second is choosing to move on from tragedy/hardship.  It is a choice.  Third: Make other people happy – start small, but make an effort. Fourth:  Spiritual Practice.  This is the most important, according to Dr Chopra.

   To me Spiritual practice is about my relationship with God and the effort we put into this relationship every day, not only on the designated one day of the week.   A relationship requires effort every day, with everything you do, with every thought and spoken word. 

   Through spiritual practice and opening my heart, opening my ears and eyes so that I can recognize Him in everything and everyone you encounter!  The result is existential happiness and peace and this is real happiness.  When I know that I am accepted by God, and therefore that I am enough, everything is possible.  It requires faith to know that I am a child of God, created to be just me. With the Grace of God I can be happy and see everything as an opportunity…..only you can make that choice.

Karin Engman    Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za    www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

What other people say 16 July 2013

What other people say Published 16 July 2013 (unedited version)
There are always 3 sides to every story: MY VERSION, YOUR VERSION and THE TRUTH. Making allowances for this will deflate a lot of conflict. I could be totally convinc...ed of my view point and that is all good and well, providing I accept that there may be others who do not agree. To have the conviction of “you are either with me or against me” suffocates any relationship. Apart from the fact that it is extremely disrespectful to the opposing party, It will certainly not reward you with any respect. Trying to live up to others’ expectations and believe others’ know better reflects poor self- worth.
On one of the workshops by Dr John Demartini he demonstrates how living according to others’ values will hold you back from ever becoming the person you are meant to be. By determining the hierarchy of your values you may realize that you are not living in harmony with your own value system but trying to live up to another set of values. This will certainly set you up not only for failure but certain unhappiness and discontentment. It is advised to regularly revise (quarterly according to Dr Demartini) and re-evaluate our values. It requires truth and honesty. Asking yourself a set of questions and looking around our home and work space, will give you the answers as to your present value system. What do you spend your free time on, what do you think about, what inspires you? You might be surprised and be motivated to make some changes.
Are you living according to someone elses’ values? With every change in value comes an identity adjustment and a refinement of direction. It is interesting to look back and to track the evolution of your journey. Step by step you may uncover a person you really like and live a life that feels like “being in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing”!
Karin Engman Life Coach and Motivational Speaker 082 7246985
thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za www.karin-engman.blogspot.comSee More

Laleli

Waardes 9 Julie 2013

Waardes    9 Julie 2013

Elke mens het waardes.  Hoe ons hulle orden en prioriseer is ‘n saak van persoonlike oortuiging.      Party mense neem soos ekstremiste, ‘n baie sterk standpunt oor spesifieke waardes.  Geestelike oortuigings of kinderopvoeding was al die oorsaak van baie familie breuke.

   Dit is uiters belangrik om te besef dat ‘n ander persoon nie noodwendig met jou waarde sisteem  of met die prioriteite daarvan ooreenstem nie.  Die ‘Universal law’ van ‘n basiese reg en verkeerde beginsel is nie hier ter sprake nie.  Waardes is die dieper persoonlike interpretasie daarvan.  As ons in ‘n swart of wit wêreld lewe, word beginsels ‘n oorsaak van baie wrywings.      Oortuigings, veral in familie situasies, blyk tot grotendeels ‘n rede vir ‘n ernstige twis.  As ons mekaar kritiseer en veroordeel oor basiese waardes, is ons in die moeilikheid.  ‘Agree to disagree, but do not judge’.  Slegs God sal oordeel. 

   Elkeen moet verantwoordelikheid neem vir hulle lewe en hulle lewenskeuses, en bereid wees om voor God te staan.  As familie-lede moet ons weet dat ons lief is vir mekaar, ongeag ons verskille in oortuigings.  Ons soek ons vriende uit, maar familie is ons geskenk deur God.     Familie is juis die grootste geleentheid om moeilike lewens lesse te leer.  Die eerste les is onvoorwaardelike liefde vir myself (soos God my lief het) en tweedens onvoorwaardelike liefde vir my naasbestaandes (veral ons familie).  Hier gee God ons die geleentheid om te leer dat ons wel goed genoeg en waardig is.

Karin Engman  

Life Coach and Motivational speaker  

082 7246985

thehummingbird@vodmail.co.za    

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

True Friendship 2 July 2013

True Friendship    2 July 2013 (unedited)

As we scatter across the country or even the world, years might go by without much contact or visits with a friend. Yet, when you meet again, it seems as though you just pick up where you left off.  True Friendship is an amazing gift that spans across time and distance. 

Last year, I was touched by the effort three school friends made to attend my 50^th birthday party.  Little did we know that one of us would be faced with saying the toughest ‘goodbye’ to loved ones.  Two of us spent the last days with our friend, literally watching her life slip away. As sad as this situation was it brought the opportunity to reconnect our friendship. I realized that even though our lives differ vastly, the friendship had remained unchanged.

It has been a blessing granted in my sadness of the loss of one friend and in that, the rekindling of few others.  As I started making arrangements to attend her funeral, the light bulb moment came to combine a visit with a friend from long ago.  We had not seen each other for many years and yet it seemed like yesterday. With much laughter and some tears, we reminded each other of heart aches, questionable choices and guardian angel protection on our escapades. As heart breaking as it was to bury a friend, watch her devastated family standing at her graveside - she did say: LIFE MUST CARRY ON.

As we hosted and celebrated the Swedish Midsummer, last weekend, we invited a friend from Zanzibar days.  She has a Swedish Life partner and has moved to the Louwveld  recently. What a perfect opportunity  to rekindle this friendship. Even though we had not seen each other for 12 years, It seemed like last year! Long live the Vikings!

The beauty of friendship brings the ease of camaraderie, shared sense of humour, a meeting of intellect, similar taste in the enjoyment of life.  All that is required is a generous heart….

 May we all be gifted with  true friendship!

Karin Engman    Life Coach and Motivational Speaker   082 7246985   

thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za     www.karin.engman.blogspot.com

Farewell my friend 25 June 2013

Farewell my friend…. 25 June 2013

The gift of time, to say last words to a terminally ill friend, gave me much cause for contemplation.  What do you say, how do you say it, leaving no regrets for later.

We had spent three days together talking of school days and remembering individuals in these old photos.  Much laughter as memories popped up of us as teenagers in boarding school. The ache of realization that this would be the last time, yet not daring to discount the possibility of a miracle from God, set in as the day approached to leave. I will cherish the memories forever.  I will remember the clarity in her eyes and the bravery of resolve to be strong.  It touched me deeply. She passed away a few days later with her mother and her husband at her side.

What does a husband say to his wife or a mother to her daughter in those last minutes? No one can prepare you for this moment… you know it is inevitable, yet you are helpless and totally overwhelmed.

As painful as this situation is, it presents an opportunity to say “farewell – you are loved – you will always be remembered”.

I think of all those, that were not granted this precious time – the loved ones that died unexpectedly.  One moment life was the same and the next moment everything changed.     I am grateful that we do not have to make this choice.

The morning came to say goodbye,  these thoughts came to mind: “Gott schenkt und Gott lenkt.  Gott segne Deinen Eingang und Deinen Ausgang.” God gives and God guides.  God blesses your entrance and also your exit.

Our time on earth is limited, that is the only thing we can be certain of. What we do with each day that we are given, is our choice.     

Karin Engman   Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

082 7246985   thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

A new Story Published 18 June 2013

A NEW STORY    18 June 2013

Living in the past is the greatest obstacle to living a full life.  We all have a history of perhaps difficult life circumstances, politics or complicated families – there are so many possibilities. Although it may certainly be a story worthy of telling – to stay stuck there is limiting your potential for a happy and fulfilled life now and in the future.  Life becomes ‘heavy’ as it takes a lot of energy to carry the past with us.  What is even more disturbing, is that many people are carrying the past of their parents and grandparents and continue to hold on to that misery and live a life of anger and blame.  Does your families’ past define who you are today?  Does the fact that your grandparents spent time in a concentration camp or were suffering under apartheid define your identity and control your life?  Although our history can be sad or challenging – how long do we need to keep on living there? Has the price not been paid already?  It does not mean we should forget the sins against humanity nor make light of the past. The past holds many lessons and we should certainly learn these.  There comes a time to let the past be the past and give ourselves and our children a chance of l living life. Find a new story, your story! Letting go of the past is liberating. We have to choose to set ourselves free. Be curious and live with excited anticipation to what God may have in store for you.  I recently watched the movie  “ The best exotic Marigold Hotel”.  I love the “blue sky thinking” concept and “everything will be alright in the end…and if it is not alright it is because it is not yet the end”….. our life should not end in our past – life is too precious! Find a NEW story and live today so that you can look forward to tomorrow!

Karin Engman    082 7246985  thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com

Maak vandag nog vrede 11 June 21013

Maak vandag nog vrede       11  Junie 2013      

Noudat ek uiteindelik volwasse is, is ek nog steeds besig om te leer om meer taktvol te wees.   ‘n Mens is taktvol wanneer jy die kuns bemeester het om ‘n standpunt te maak, sonder om ‘n vyand by te kry. 

Taktvol wees is ook die resep vir vrede maak.  Elkeen van ons het verhoudings wat in die ‘laai’ van onvrede lê en wag.  Ons kan wel probeer om dit te ignoreer of dalk te wag vir die ander persoon om tot insienning te kom, dat hulle die skuldige een is.  Terwyl ons wag en alles op krop,  knaag die onvrede aan ons siel en vreet aan ons gesondheid. 

As ons die moed by mekaar kan skraap, is dit uiters belangrik om kalm te bly en die SITUASIE aan te spreek, en nie die persoon aggressief aan te val nie. Dit is meestal die GESINDHEID hoe ons die saak benader, wat ons die reaksie/ resultaat sal gee waarvoor ons gehoop het.  Sodoende kan ons dan ‘n oplossing vind en of die ongelukkigheid laat gaan en die persoon vergewe of self om vergifnis  vra. 

Maak seker jy gee die ander persoon ‘n kans om sy/haar saak te stel en luister na wat hy/sy sê.  Kommunikasie is uiters belangrik.  Wees duidelik oor wat jy hoop om uit die bespreking te kry.  Wees voorberei met positiewe voorstelle en luister na die terugvoer.   As daar nog steeds nie ‘n oplossing gevind is nie en die problem te moeilik of sensitief is, moet ‘n derde party betrek word (wat nie emosioneel betrokke is nie) om te luister na albei kante. 

 Dit verbaas my hoeveel tyd en energie ons spandeer aan die nagevolge van konfrontasie.  Hoe lank na die tyd speel dieselfde woorde wisseling nog in ons gedagtes oor en oor en oor?  Vrede maak plek vir nuwe belewenisse en nuwe verhoudings en bring nuwe lewens energie.    

Vra jouself: is dit werklik belangrik?  As die antwoord ja is, soek ‘n mandjie vol taktvol, praat daaroor en maak vandag nog vrede. 

Karin Engman    082 7246985 

 thehummingbird@vodamail.co.za

www.karin-engman.blogspot.com